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Friday, October 5, 2012

This is Day 5 of a 13-Day blogging challenge, sponsored by the CMBA - 13 posts to grow the intimacy in your marriage!

Life can get crazy sometimes. It seems like the older I get the more directions I seem to be running at once. It’s a fact that the demands of everyday life have a way of distracting us from our marriages and stealing our intimacy: kids, jobs, church involvement, home upkeep and projects, not to mention those hobbies you wish you had time for.

How frequently do you forego date nights, connection time and sex because you are too over-stressed and over-tired? If I had to guess I would say it probably happens more than you think.  Plus stress and busyness have a way of causing us to turn self-focused and self-protective.

Don't kid yourself into thinking that you'll have more time later for the intimacy that is so important to your marriage right now. Later never happens!


Day 5 for Wives
Give Your Husband a Full Body Massage



Spend some time today thinking about whether your husband and your marriage are only getting your leftovers. By that I mean, whether or not you have the time and energy that is needed to maintain a strong, vibrant and intimate connection with your husband. Is everyone and everything else getting the best parts of you?

Consider whether you are overly committed in ways that are unhealthy for your marriage, and ask yourself whether there is something you can do about it. Consider also whether there are steps you could take to help your husband out more and ease the craziness in his life. The two of you are in this together, so make a plan to change things for the sake of your marriage.

Fellow marriage blogger Paul Byerly recently wrote a great series on creating “margin” in your life. If you have some time today read a few of them.
Maybe even send the links to your husband along with today’s question in order to start a conversation on this important topic.

Your challenge today is help your husband de-stress and relax.

I know what you are thinking.  “I’m the one who needs help de-stressing!” That may well be true, but remember that this challenge is all about giving to your husband and serving him in ways that make him feel loved.

Use this coupon, good for one full-body massage.  Present it to your man in any way you’d like. If you know how to, save it on your phone and test it to him. Or send it in an email. Or just use the old-fashioned paper method. In any event, give it to him earlier in the day so there is some anticipation in his mind.

When it comes time to give him the massage, set the mood with soft lights and music, if you think that would be relaxing for him. You can choose to put on something pretty for him or not, your option. If you have massage oil I suggest you use that. Or if not find some lotion that isn’t too girly smelling. You might have to pick something up at the store while you are out today.

Even if you don’t feel you are very good at giving a massage, that’s OK. The main thing is to love on his whole body with your hands. Go slow. Slow is good. Massage his muscles and tired places. Ask him if there is anywhere he feels tense.

Chances are having your hands all over his body is going to arouse your husband. I would suggest that ending the massage by making love will have further stress-relieving affects on your man, and quite possibly on you as well.  Why not?


“What are some ways we can simplify our lives so we can have more time for each other?”









Day 5 for Husbands
Give Your Wife a Fully Body Massage


 
Spend some time today thinking about whether your wife and your marriage are only getting your leftovers. By that I mean, whether or not you have the time and energy that is needed to maintain a strong, vibrant and intimate connection with your wife. Is everyone and everything else getting the best parts of you?

Consider whether you are overly committed in ways that are unhealthy for your marriage, and ask yourself whether there is something you can do about it. Consider also whether there are steps you could take to help your wife out more and ease the craziness in her life. The two of you are in this together, so make a plan to change things for the sake of your marriage.

Fellow marriage blogger Paul Byerly recently wrote a great series on creating “margin” in your life. If you have some time today read a few of them.
Maybe you could even forward these links to your wife along with today’s question to get a conversation going on this important topic.

Your challenge today is help your wife de-stress and relax by giving her a full body massage.

I already know what you are thinking.  Your mind went immediately to what might happen after the massage. You may well end up making love, but I don’t want that to be the motivation behind this gift of affection. I want you to do this simply to be good to her, to help her unwind and feel good all over. Remember, this challenge is all about giving to your wife and serving her in ways that make her feel loved.

Use this coupon, good for one full-body massage.  Present it to your lady in any way you’d like. If you know how to, save it on your phone and text it to her. Or send it in an email. Or just use the old-fashioned paper method. In any event, give it to her earlier in the day so there is some anticipation in her mind.

When it comes time to give her the massage, set the mood with soft lights and music. You should consider raising the temperature of the room slightly or using a space heater. If she wants to stay partially covered while you massage other parts, let her. Make sure you have some massage oil or scented lotion that she likes. If you aren’t sure you’ve got what you need, you might want to pick some up at the store while you are out today.

Even if you don’t feel you are very good at giving a massage, that’s OK. The main thing is to love on your wife’s body with your hands. Go slow. Very slow. Slow is good. Massage her muscles and tired places. Ask her if there is anywhere he feels tense. Avoid trying to stimulate her sexually until the massage is completely finished. Otherwise she will think you are doing this with an agenda. See this post, also by Paul, for tips on performing a non-sexual massage.

Chances are the massage will relax but not arouse your wife. If you want to follow up the massage by making love, ask her if she would like to, but give her the option to just go to sleep.  Don’t resent her if she chooses sleep. This night was for her.

If you decide to make love, spend plenty of time on foreplay. If she’s game and not too tired, giving her an orgasm will release hormones that will help her relax even more.


“What are some ways we can simplify our lives so we can have more time for each other?”

4 comments:

CassandraSalamone said...

Awesome!

Kate said...

I'm ready to tell my husband to either give me a good massage or fork over the money for me to see a massage therapist at least once a month! I give him massages all the time and even began studying massage therapy and different techniques.

Cara Dewberry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cara Dewberry said...

This needs to be the opposite for my husband and I.

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