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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Did you know that being “one flesh” in marriage includes being one in your finances?

I know there are some who disagree with me about not having separate finances. From my perspective, putting your finances together creates the opportunity to build trust, transparency and open communication. 

Of course it can also create tension and raise issues.

No, financial intimacy isn’t always easy. Money is an often cited reason for marital discord. However, it’s an area of your marriage that can help strengthen it for the long haul.



Day 6 for Wives
Financial Intimacy



 
Spend time today thinking about the financial intimacy in your marriage.The purpose of the today's "Think" is to prepare for today's "Do."



 
Consider the following questions.
  • How often do you and your husband talk about your finances? Are these conversations typically tension filled?
  • Do you ever hide expenses from your husband?  If so, why?
  • Do you have and keep a family budget? How is the budget made and monitored?
  • To what degree do you and your husband have agreement on where your money goes?
  • Do you have a long-term financial plan?
  • Do you trust your husband to lead in financial matters? If not, why not?
  • Do you have a habit of charitable giving? How do you decide how much, where and when to give?

I’m taking a pretty dramatic turn for today’s challenge. Compared to the challenges of days 1-5, this it isn’t necessarily a fun one. But it is an important one.

Your challenge today is to have an honest and open conversation with your husband about your finances. Yeah, that’s right. Talk about money.

If it sounds difficult or even painful to you, then that is probably all the more reason to do it. The fact of the matter is that if you don’t have financial intimacy, you will hit a ceiling in the other areas of intimacy in your marriage. If you aren’t in agreement about money, it’s a ticking time bomb in your marriage.

A word of caution about this conversation. Remember how I told you about the importance of respect to most husbands? This is especially true in the area of finances. Most men are hardwired and socially programmed to provide for their families. They tend to feel a great deal of responsibility in this area, and many often feel insecure about it. So make sure you approach your husband respectfully on this, being careful not to sound accusatory. 

Sometime today, discuss the questions in the "Think" section with your husband. Do it in a comfortable setting, maybe over a glass of wine or a cool drink. Do it when you can talk without being interrupted. I suggest you pray before you start and commit your finances to the Lord.


Is there something you dream about having in the future that we could begin saving for today?”









Day 6 for Husbands
  Financial Intimacy

 
Spend time today thinking about the financial intimacy in your marriage.The purpose of the today's "Think" is to prepare for today's "Do."



  
Consider the following questions.
  • How often do you and your wife talk about your finances? Are these conversations typically tension filled?
  • Do you ever hide expenses from your wife?  If so, why?
  • Do you have and keep a family budget? How is the budget made and monitored?
  • To what degree do you and your wife have agreement on where your money goes?
  • Do you have a long-term financial plan?
  • Do you trust your wife in financial matters? If not, why not?
  • Do you have a habit of charitable giving? How do you decide how much, where and when to give?

I’m taking a pretty dramatic turn for today’s challenge. Compared to the challenges of days 1-5, this isn’t necessarily a fun one. But it is an important one.

Your challenge today is to have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your finances. Yeah, that’s right. Talk about money.

If it sounds difficult or even painful to you, then that is probably all the more reason to do it. The fact of the matter is that if you don’t have financial intimacy, you will hit a ceiling in the other areas of intimacy in your marriage. If you aren’t in agreement about money, it’s a ticking time bomb in your marriage.

A word of caution about this conversation. Remember how I told you about how important it is for you wife to feel loved and cared for? Money can be an area of vulnerability for many wives. So make sure she knows that her needs are a priority. Don't be heavy-handed or controlling about money. Convey to her clearly that the reason for the discussion is because of your desire to take good care of your family.

Sometime today, discuss the questions in the "Think" section with your wife. Do it in a comfortable setting, maybe over a glass of wine or a cool drink. Do it when you can talk without being interrupted. I suggest you pray before you start and commit your finances to the Lord.


Is there something you dream about having in the future that we could begin saving for today?”

2 comments:

Paul Byerly said...

Scott - So glad you covered this, it is one of the most missed areas of intimacy, and it can do a great deal of harm.

stwise89 said...

Do you break on Sundays? I was looking forward to my email this morning.

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