tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post6627156297930481522..comments2023-07-30T05:51:02.673-04:00Comments on Journey to Surrender: (3) What If... My Husband Acts Like a DictatorScotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-91534784809627169472015-04-16T17:07:02.904-04:002015-04-16T17:07:02.904-04:00Please give examples of how to do this. Turn it ar...Please give examples of how to do this. Turn it around.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08425935048028799622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-53267443770749270272013-02-05T00:18:42.173-05:002013-02-05T00:18:42.173-05:00The article presents some good information; howeve...The article presents some good information; however, there are husbands that fit the biblical definition of a "fool," and nothing the wife does will help him see his error. The dictatorial husband thinks he is always right - that the way he behaves is his God-given role. Wives beat themselves up for years trying to figure out why they can't change their husbands and wondering what else they could possibly do to restore the relationship. Sometimes it is impossible. If the husband refuses to react to his wive's efforts and continues his dictatorship, the "path of separation" is inevitable because the gap can only be closed when BOTH parties move together. An emotional separation in this case is necessary if the wife expects to function and serve God. <br /><br />Furthermore, while we understand that submission does not make a wife a slave to her husband, there ARE cases in which the husband does not love his wife as he should. With the absence of sacrificial love on the husband's part, the wife DOES become a doormat and slave. My question is, "When a wife submits to her dictator husband, is she condoning and/or encouraging him to continue sinning?" Her submission will NOT make him love her as he should.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948497362092887033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-4832796692589874752013-01-12T10:19:24.078-05:002013-01-12T10:19:24.078-05:00Annon - I'm glad you found this helpful. If it...Annon - I'm glad you found this helpful. If it is any comfort to you, this consistently is one of the most popular posts on my blog. I get searches almost daily for some combination of "husband" and "dictator." You are not alone.<br /><br />With that said, I do hope you and your husband will have a meaningful conversation about what God's design for marriage looks like using the model of Christ and the church, so clearly shown to us in Ephesians 5. Keep in mind that there is NOTHING in there about a husband making all the decisions. That is just not what submission is about. It's about love and respect.<br /><br />Praying for you and your marriage,<br />scott<br />Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-19584786587328433762013-01-12T04:30:49.267-05:002013-01-12T04:30:49.267-05:00Thank you so much for this series. I am up late to...Thank you so much for this series. I am up late tonight, after a fight with my husband, trying to figure out how to force myself to submit. (A difficult task made especially hard as I also struggle with unbelief.) I have come nearly to my wit's end trying to cope with the fact that while my husband tries his hardest to be a loving, self-sacrificing husband, he ultimately sees himself as having the "deciding vote" in all things, as he is the male and leader of our family. You have given me hope where I thought there was none. I know i have some pride that needs to be contended with, but it's also nice to see someone put my feelings into words so well: that my opinions, thoughts, and feelings do matter, and deserve more than lip-service consideration. I will be showing your blog to my husband, and am hopeful that it will help us off the path of separation. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-9664542095677855562012-11-13T16:04:27.028-05:002012-11-13T16:04:27.028-05:00Hi Anon - Sorry to hear of your situation. Yes it&...Hi Anon - Sorry to hear of your situation. Yes it's very hard when a husband doesn't understand his part in the bargain. Very hard. You are right in that you can't change him or his behavior. You can only change you and how you choose to respond to him. Being married to a non-believer makes it even more difficult. A agree with your assessment that men were not created to lord it over their wives, but to love them unconditionally, but you can't make that happen. Still, I do believe that God will bless you and your marriage if you choose to respect and submit to your husband (that doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with him all the time or accepting all his his behavior!).Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-10864462308090037862012-11-13T15:30:11.102-05:002012-11-13T15:30:11.102-05:00What about a husbands part in all of this? Is dict...What about a husbands part in all of this? Is dictatorship not wrong in the eyes of God? What about being married to a non-christian? My husband is a dictator plain and simple. I agree with what I have read in your article about becoming divided as a couple. This happens. I know for one thing that I am not going to be the first one to try anymore.I try all of the time to make happy if he is not happy with himself it is his fault full stop! I cannot change his behaviour, nor do I feel that it is up to me to change his behavior. He wants a marriage he can change, and then I will consider changing my feelings and behavior to respond to him. I do not feel personally that God put men on this earth to control, not admit faults, not to see errors in their behavior, nor see their wife as a inferior person all because of pride in themselves. Submitting to God is one thing. God is all. I do not want to submit to my husband, he does not show love in his actions, words or otherwise. I am sorry to say but I hardly like the guy at this point! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-43695263848535760822010-09-13T13:24:10.643-04:002010-09-13T13:24:10.643-04:00I am sorry but I have to agree with Kathleen. I ha...I am sorry but I have to agree with Kathleen. I have been in a dictator relationship for 23 years. He has taken control over the finances leaving me in a potion where I have no access to any money except what I make on my own. He has taken my name off of everything that we own except for the house that we live in. My money is to be used to purchase all my own needs; clothing etc. He has made several bad financial decisions as an impulse buyer but I have no say in how he spends money. When I have sought out counseling in the church he was told what it means to love your wife in the mean time I was also told to do as you state. The result ended in us leaving the church because my husband no longer would attend their. I can now no longer go seek out counseling if I wish to stay in the church we are now attending. I am stuck and right now see no way out. I have no family to turn to or outside support. It is only through daily prayer and the choice not to allow myself to dig into an emotional hole that keeps me sane.Theresanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-17988202044332886422010-06-22T18:24:02.883-04:002010-06-22T18:24:02.883-04:00You make a good point Kathleen. There are men who...You make a good point Kathleen. There are men who are not going to get it no matter what their wives do or say. I wish church leaders would do a better job of teaching marriage from a biblical perspective. I'm hoping to make a positive impact toward that end. I know, it's an ambitious dream, but I'm going for it with everything I have!Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-88033492941337410752010-06-21T22:43:53.350-04:002010-06-21T22:43:53.350-04:00I think these suggestions are good. They probably ...I think these suggestions are good. They probably represent the best things a wife can do. However, I remain a little skeptical that they will work on their own. Since, like you mentioned, men like this already think they're in the right by being authoritarian and that they deserve their wives' submission, they often don't think their wives have any valuable to teach or show them. That's why I think intervention from another man is important. I dream of the day my dad and uncles hear the truth about male headship (if your conception of male headship is in fact the truth) from a respected male pastor. I feel like that's the only thing that will make them listen. *Sigh.* It feels like such an inescapable cycle otherwise.Kathleen Quiring | Project Mhttp://projectmonline.comnoreply@blogger.com