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Monday, October 1, 2012

I am starting off the challenge by having you take an honest look at the intimacy in your marriage as it is today. The purpose of this self-assessment is to get you to pause and reflect on how the things you are thinking, saying and doing are affecting intimacy with your wife.  

Whether or not you decide to get your wife’s input on this exercise is up to you. Some of you will choose to do the Intimacy Challenge without tipping her off that you are doing it (my suggested method). Others of you will want to explain what the challenge is all about. You decide the best way to handle it for your own situation.

Either way, I encourage you to go through the assessment on your own first. The link below is to a pdf file that contains the assessment. It’s just a single page with 20 short statements about intimacy which you decide are true or not for your own marriage. After answering you can total up your score and see where you stand.

Click here to take the Intimacy Inventory for Husbands

Note: from the link you can either print it (use the printer icon after the file opens) or download it to your computer for future reference (select “file - download” from the menu after the document opens). Please let me know if you have any trouble opening and/or printing the assessment.

On your way home from work today, stop and buy a nice bottle of wine (or some other drink that would be special to your wife). When you present it to her, tell her that you would like to have fifteen minutes alone together each day this week to enjoy a glass of wine together (or whatever) and just talk. Tell her you have been thinking about how important it is for you to have time to connect as a couple, and ask if there is anything you can do for her to help make that happen.

During your time together this week, sit close and ask her about her day. Listen intently. Ask questions. Tell her about what is happening at your work. Try not to do functional conversation (kids, calendars, finances, etc).  As much as possible make it personal and include matters of the heart. Don’t make sexual advances unless she specifically leads you there.This might be a good time to ask her today's question.

"What is one thing I could do (or do more of) to let you know how much I love you?"

Don't forget!! Let us hear how you are doing with the Intimacy Challenge!  Drop by Journey to Surrender and leave a comment. You can also leave a note on our Facebook page. Or if you prefer, send me a note by email.  Thanks!!


Sean Wise said...

I was confused in the email because it talked about my husband in the think part and my wife in the other parts. Perhaps there was a mix-up?

Scott said...

Sorry for the confusion. In addition to the emails going out together for husbands and wives (under the title for the husband) I also had some cut/paste typos in the husband's post. This created lots of confusion all around.

Apologies to all for the mess. Surely tomorrow will go better.

Tenorboy Journal said...

Great idea! I'm planning to pick up a nice bottle of red on my way home tonight.

CassandraSalamone said...

I appreciate your post and will refer my husband to follow your blog! Blessings! :)

Brad said...

This is awesome Scott! Wow that is a challenging list too! I do have to say when I read your post I said, "oooo I would LOVE to have time to sit and drink a glass of wine with my wife tonight!" I wish there was more hours in the day sometimes!
Thanks for the challenge!

Paul Byerly said...

Scott - Great list, covers all the bases well. Looking forward to the series.

Anonymous said...

Gr8 1. M lkn 4ward 2 give it a try. Luvuyo

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