tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post5320834087212862348..comments2023-07-30T05:51:02.673-04:00Comments on Journey to Surrender: Tough Decisions (Part 2)Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-40682228247149800732012-10-21T19:48:45.827-04:002012-10-21T19:48:45.827-04:00I don't agree with the author's suggestion...I don't agree with the author's suggestion on how to handle a stalemale in a marriage. It does give the husband an advantage and may often lead him to think that he can get his own way when there is an impasse, if his wife agrees to such a set up. Rather, husbands/wives should seek to defer to Ephesians 5:21 - to always seek to submit to the other; to be other- centered and not-self centered. With this in mind, an impasse should be almost non existent if each is seeking to put the other's will before their own. Of course, as long as there's no violation of scripture involved, then this practice is certainly acceptable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-62221857775884889632012-06-26T01:28:26.098-04:002012-06-26T01:28:26.098-04:00I would love to hear any practical tips people, or...I would love to hear any practical tips people, or you, Scott, could give for a situation of disagreement that is a reoccurring issue; an issue that isn't/can't be resolved by the husband making a decision (necessarily). That is, since my husband and I were married, he has become Catholic and I'm Presbyterian. How do I practically show respect when we disagree on simple things like how to teach our children theology and spiritual things? Another related question, what do you do when your husband does make the decision at the impasse and it is against your conscience to go along with it? [My husband has not asked me to raise our children Catholic, because he knows I would not be comfortable with that (and because he is a very good man).] <br />Thank you for your articles, the Generous Wife recommended them.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05746244656807392642noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-31752300533352993232012-06-25T20:45:37.202-04:002012-06-25T20:45:37.202-04:00This is the first article I've read on this si...This is the first article I've read on this site and I absolutely agree! I am a very happy, loved wife who joyfully submits to her husband and his headship in our marriage. If we can't reach a decision we both like, he breaks the impasse (like you said) and the results are always wonderful! I'm not saying it's ok for a husband to belittle a wife's opinion or constantly rule with an iron fist, but ultimately the husband is the head of the wife; she was created for the sole purpose of serving him and God.Dorothynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-7295583680201550002012-06-24T18:35:28.032-04:002012-06-24T18:35:28.032-04:00tbright - all good points, well spoken. Any appro...tbright - all good points, well spoken. Any approach to resolving a deadlock requires some degree of good will between the spouses in order to preserve the relationship. As you say, it comes down to a heart issue, and no technique will solve that, only God can.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15382135979097709418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-82068080858439162272012-06-24T17:35:27.863-04:002012-06-24T17:35:27.863-04:00Furthermore, I see this more as a negotiation tool...Furthermore, I see this more as a negotiation tool that encourages each spouse to learn what the other is enthusiastic about. <br /><br />Remember, marriage is not a power play where you are giving power to the one who says no. The beauty of the POJA is it encourages the one who is saying no to do more than just say no. Tell us what is keeping you from saying yes and/or tell us what you would say yes to.<br /><br />Certainly, a spouse playing power games could just say no. But then the problem is not that the POJA is flawed, the problem is the spouse who simply says no is not operating in the interests of the marriage or their spouse.<br /><br />Again, that's not a POJA problem, it's a heart problem in the spouse failing to negotiate in good faith.<br /><br />No technique addresses that. God has to work on the heart of that person.tbrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02576474373910865832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-41142498137823487132012-06-24T17:31:42.741-04:002012-06-24T17:31:42.741-04:00I'm pretty sure that POJA is not about comprom...I'm pretty sure that POJA is not about compromise. Because to have enthusiastic agreement that is not compromise. The idea is you ask the other what they are enthusiastic about or what would make them enthusiastic about what the other one wants.<br /><br />Let's say one spouse wants a motorcycle. The other is against it. Why? Would anything make them enthusiastic about getting a motorcycle?<br /><br />Perhaps the spouse who wants the motorcycle has many other toys, so the reluctance is due to the additional toy, costs, etc. So what would make them enthusiastic is to sell other toys to make room get the money for the new toy etc.<br /><br />Or, if the reluctance is concern about a traffic accident, perhaps getting an off-road bike or something that has them not on the road is all it takes.<br /><br />Or they lost a loved one and nothing would make them enthusiastic about a motorcycle, but they might be willing to go for a sporty convertible where both can go for a safer ride together.<br /><br />But POJA is not about compromise, it's about learning what your spouse is enthusiastic about and trying to find the intersection of their respective enthusiasm.<br /><br />For the example of wanting to save, perhaps you would approach it in such a fashion that you have a savings target, and once that mutually agreed upon target is reached, the spouse who wants to spend.<br /><br />I.E. what would make the save enthusiastic about spending? Having a certain amount of savings? If so, could the other be enthusiastic about meeting that goal BEFORE spending on something else?tbrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02576474373910865832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2613335924468202284.post-86113804980928307182012-06-24T08:02:55.621-04:002012-06-24T08:02:55.621-04:00I'll pipe in here and say that my husband rare...I'll pipe in here and say that my husband rarely has to exert his "right to decide" in the face of unrelenting disagreement. Why? Because one of us submits to the other (Eph 5:21) when the issue is not as important to that person as the other one, or I simply submit to him (Eph 5:22). I'm not even sure the other spouse always knows that's what happened. Sometimes, he or I find out later that the other backed down, so to speak. And there are quite a few times I let go of my selfish will and he probably didn't recognize it in that moment as submission.<br /><br />This is a far cry from how we operated earlier in our marriage and a huge improvement. We have figured out that God's way is indeed superior! When we both approach disagreements with the attitude that the relationship itself is more important than any one issue, then him taking leadership and me submitting isn't that big of a deal. Plus, in a healthy marriage, the wife trusts that her husband will take her and the family into account.<br /><br />Great thoughts on this subject!Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13474549008387967649noreply@blogger.com