Journey to Surrender

Yes, it’s now seriously time to get your romance on!

Valentine’s Day is a week away, and some of you are still thinking, “I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.” You’ve got plenty of time to plan something special. This post will help!

Some of you are thinking, “We don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day, anyway.” Let me suggest that this year be the year you start!

And some of you are thinking (talking mostly to husbands here), “I’m not really the romantic type.” That’s a lousy excuse for not giving your lovely wife the romance she so craves and deserves!

Read on for some great resources for the romantically impaired!


We had a great response to our Romantic Dinner Giveaway Contest! In total there were 483 entries! Thanks to all of you who “liked” my new Facebook page, followed me on Twitter, joined our mailing list, tweeted the contest, or wrote about their romantic experiences on the contest post or on my FB page.

The winner of the random number drawing is number 199.
Number 199 turned out to be:
Lindsay, whose Twitter follow entry was selected, has been contacted to claim her prize of a $75 Amex gift card. Congratulations! Enjoy dinner on me this Valentine's Day.

Now, I am happy to also announce, as a special bonus, an unadvertised consolation prize. I have decided to present an award for most diligent contestant to Eunice B, who entered the contest every way possible, including tweeting about it every single day of the contest (my apologies to her Twitter followers!). Eunice and her husband will receive a $25 gift card as my way of saying thanks for trying so hard.


If you read the memorable romantic stories that readers shared, you’ll notice that many of them were not necessarily hugely involved or expensive. You really can see in these stories the old adage that it’s the thought that counts.

So as you peruse the romantic idea web links below, keep in mind that what you really want is to convey your heart of love for your spouse. Ask yourself this question: what is the most sincere way to say “I love you” to him or her. The answer is probably not the most expensive or most elaborate of all the possibilities. It’s the one that expresses your heart.

So without further ado, here are some resources I’ve searched out and compiled for your convenience:

14 Ways to Say I Love You - The CoupleThings Blog has a great list of 14 romantic ideas split up into three parts: Part 1, Part 2  and Part 3.

Write a Love Letter - Write her (or him) a letter or card that says how much you love her (or him). Here’s a link for husbands who need a little help with how to write a love letter: one from The Art of Manliness blog.)  and one from The Generous Husband.  Something you create using your own words has much more meaning than a five dollar store-bought card.

Take Note - If writing an entire love letter is too daunting for you, try communicating your love with little notes, either passing them to her (or him)  directly during the day or leaving them stuck around  for her (or him) find.  The posts on this idea come from Romantic Act of the Day.

How Do I Love Thee - Tell her how much you want to learn to love her/him well and ask her/him to take the 5 Love Languages Assessment  with you. Talk about the results and some ways to express love that would be most meaningful.

There's an App for That - If you have an iphone, go get the Romantic Vineyard iphone App  for one or both of you. It’s free and the marriage tips and romantic questions are great.

Breakfast in Bed - Here is a post from the Generous Husband on how to go about serving a romantic breakfast, and here is a “how to” video for those who need a little more explicit instruction. Here are some recipe ideas from Real Simple  and Recipe4Living. As for what you do after you are finished dining, that's up to you.

Of course, if you have a desire to do something a little more extravagant, check out my growing list of Romantic Ideas.

Finally, I’ll leave you with this post from Marriage Gems, entitled How to Have a Special Valentine’s Day – 


So now you have no excuse not to show your spouse a little love on Valentine's Day.  Have fun planning it and, most of all, enjoy pouring your love out on one another!



Did you know that Journey to Surrender now has a Facebook page! It’s got lots of extra  marriage-related stuff like videos, links, news stories, and conversations not found on my blog. Come on over and let’s meet up!

I know what you are thinking about that title, but that is not what this post is about, at least not for the most part.

Today I’m talking about the second of three navigational tools for marriage: Transparency.

If you missed it, you may want to go back and read about the first tool: Watchfulness.


Did you know that “nakedness” is actually the ideal condition in marriage? It’s true.

If you go back to the Garden of Eden, back to Adam and Eve, before sin entered the picture, here is how the Bible describes the situation:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed

Genesis 2:24-25

That’s right. They were totally naked with and totally without shame. That’s the ideal state.

Lest you think I’m promoting some form of nudism, let me say that I strongly believe this verse is about way more than physical nakedness. It’s not even just about sex with the lights on. It’s about a state of existence, a way of living with your spouse that includes your spiritual life and your soul – your thoughts, desires and emotions – in addition to the physical.

Transparency is about nakedness in everything.


I received a Tweet from the @ThePureBed this morning that said,

To resist transparency and vulnerability with our mate is a sign of weakness, not strength. Opening a heart takes strength.

Very timely and so true! Transparency is not the easiest road to travel. It’s especially difficult to share the stuff we consider bad or ugly about ourselves. That’s the stuff we tend to want to hide behind the proverbial fig leaves of shame and pretense.

But the truth is that the level of intimacy in your marriage will be capped by the level of transparency, and therefore, vulnerability, that you have with your spouse. That’s because intimacy, in my definition, is being completely known and yet totally loved.


Trust is often the deal-breaker when it comes to transparency. If you don’t feel safe to divulge your real self, you are a lot less likely to do it, plain and simple.

Trust develops in your marriage when unconditional love and respect are freely given on both sides. If the atmosphere is full of judgment, criticality and disrespect, trust cannot grow, and transparency will be greatly inhibited.

The thing is, when it comes to fostering trust in your marriage, you can only control you. But even though you only directly control half the trust equation, when you respond with love and respect (not necessarily acceptance or agreement) to whatever your spouse reveals to you, and when you push your own comfort level of transparency, it automatically shifts the atmosphere in the right direction.

It’s very helpful if BOTH of you expect unconditional love to given by the other. Shame and fear fight against transparency, but believing and accepting the love of your spouse is a strong weapon in battle for intimacy.


Transparency is a vast topic that I’ve really only been able to give a surface level treatment here, but before I conclude I want to point to one other important aspect.

Transparency is only partly about opening up with your weaknesses and failings, but it’s equally important to nakedly share your dreams and desires with each other too. Don’t be afraid to share your big, bold dreams with your spouse. You are a team, and any dreams can only be reached together.

The same dynamic actually applies even to smaller, daily wants and wishes. If you really believe your husband or wife wants to love you well, you can help them by expressing your desires in a non-demanding, yet forthright manner. A comfort level with sharing small needs and requests opens the door to sharing the deeper things.

If you are on the listening end, don’t pour cold water on your spouse’s dreams and desires. It doesn’t mean you have to be 100% on board with everything immediately, but strive to be a good receiver.  Be an encourager rather than a discourager.

I’ll leave you with an assignment: think of one thing, large or small, either a desire or a difficulty, that you’ve not been willing to share with your spouse before, and share it with them this weekend. Encourage him or her to do the same.


More posts on Transparency:

• Choosing Trust
• Intimacy is Not What You Think
• How Shame Kills Intimacy
• A whole series on the battle with shame starts here
  
  

Did you know that Journey to Surrender now has a Facebook page! It’s got lots of extra  marriage-related stuff like videos, links, news stories, and conversations not found on my blog. Come on over and let’s meet up!