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Sunday, October 17, 2010
I posted last time about the first choice that will lead your marriage down the Path of Intimacy: transparency. Why is transparency so important? Because the highest form of intimacy comes from being known completely and yet loved absolutely.
I understand that getting “naked” before your spouse can be a scary proposition, but there is something that can help make the choice to bare your real self to your spouse a little easier. That something is an atmosphere of trust.
How do you choose trust?
Trust starts with you both believing that love is at the center of everything you do. Deep conviction about the other’s love is the essential foundation upon which other trust will develop. Each must also trust in the other’s understanding of the bridal paradigm and in your mutual desire to wholeheartedly go after a surrendered marriage. Trust that your spouse has a good heart.
For trust to be nurtured an atmosphere of faith is also required. Believe in your spouse and your marriage. If faith is the expression of belief, then trust puts that statement into action. In effect, trust says, “Because I know you and know of your love for me, I put myself in your hands.” So yes, transparency follows from trust, but trust also follows from transparency. When you reveal parts of your self, and find in return the love, grace and acceptance of your husband or wife, then you will become more willing to reveal the real you – all of you.
Trust is not simply passive acceptance, but rather an act of purposeful surrender. Trust says no to fear and yes to faith.
Whenever I think of trust I remember a retreat game I played in high school that was an object lesson in trust, where one person was blindfolded and told to fall over backward into the waiting arms of their partner. To me it’s an apt picture of trust in a surrendered marriage. Believing that your spouse will “catch you” means that you have faith in the fact that you and your spouse are partnered together in this marriage endeavor and that each is looking out for the other.
Growing your trust level is a part of learning to live as one flesh. For when you we are irrevocably joined with one another, it means that if you win, I win too. Trust is fostered when the inherent value you see in your spouse is spoken of through consistent expressions of admiration. Most of all trust disarms the enemy, whose weapons include accusation, shame and fear. (More on that next time.)
Are there places in your marriage where doubt and fear have taken over? What can you do to choose trust instead? Trust opens a wide path to intimacy.
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