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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

When you say "As you wish," what you are really saying is "I love you."

I'm excited to share with you a guest post by my lovely wife, Jenni.

Although the post is mostly slanted toward wives in the "empty nest" stage of marriage, the insights she shares can be applied to any life stage.

Don't forget to come back next week for part two of this fabulous Wives Only Wednesday post!

by Jenni Means

I recently had the privilege of speaking for a group of fellow empty-nester wives on the subject of marriage.  Not only am I an empty-nester wife, but I am also a movie buff (especially old ones!)  So to kick off our evening I showed the following clip from a classic, The Princess Bride.

Can't see the video?  Click here.

In this great opening scene we discover that “As you wish” actually is another way of saying “I love you!

This is a gift that we can give our husbands at any stage of our marriage, but I suggest it is increasingly important in the later years.

In keeping with the Bridal Paradigm our husbands are doing their best to love us sacrificially, laying down their lives for us.  We are endeavoring to love them by allowing them to lead us in this surrendered love lifestyle. We look to Jesus as our example for what love looks like, “Not my will, but Yours be done” or in other words, “As You Wish”.

Choosing "As You Wish"

“As You Wish” can’t be an obligation, or a duty.  For it to mean “I Love You” it must be a choice, a gift.  It says you matter to me and I am willing to put your wants above my own.
  • It is sacrificial.
  • It is respect.
  • It will probably often involve sex. (Or sex often, teehee!)
  • It is not about “rights”
  • It is a gift you and you alone can give your spouse.
It is awesome when our husbands lead in giving the gift of “As You Wish” and it sure makes it easier for us to also give when this is the case.  But I want to challenge you to not focus on what isn’t.  We can’t control anyone but ourselves, no matter how hard we try.

Giving the gift of “As You Wish” makes you powerful.  It is you making a choice and carrying it out. You are choosing to love as you would like to be loved and as you are loved by God.
Fighting for our own way isn’t worth it. It’s not even enjoyable when we “win” that battle. And you don’t want things to be even. Such a win-lose view makes no sense because you and your husband are one!

My wonderful husband has posted before on the statistics of what our husbands say they need most from their wives. The chart below shows the things that husbands say they need most from their wives.  (The dark blue bars show the percent of  husbands who chose each as their top need. The pink bars represent the percentage of wives who chose that same need as most important.  Click the chart to enlarge it.)
One of the top two needs, sex, is no surprise.  But I find that over and over again wives are surprised about the great importance respect is to our men, and they are equally surprised by what that looks like.

This week we'll take a closer look at one of the top two needs of husbands: respect.


As we enter the second half of our lives, I believe that respect becomes increasingly important to our husbands. Chances are they are not going to be the young hot shot at work. No matter how great they are at keeping up with technology there’s a good chance a younger person will surpass them in some areas. They are not dinosaurs but a gold mine of experience, and they need us, their wives, to reflect their value and awesomeness back at them.

They can’t make themselves young again, but they still need to feel like a hero, our hero. Age does not change our feelings for them. They are still our hot shot and hero.  We see them as they really are and let them know with our words.

As our husbands age, they need more respect than usual, and usual is more than you think!

When you give your husband the gift of "As you wish," you are saying that you respect his preferences and honor his wishes. It also communicates your trust and your confidence that he will choose wisely. It says to him that you believe in his leadership.

Yes, "As you wish" shows your man the respect he needs.

Next week Jenni will be back with part two of this post: The Gift of As You Wish in the Bedroom. Don't miss it!

Meanwhile, if you have communicated respect to your husband with an "As you wish, " we'd love to hear about it. Share it in a comment.

Related Post: From Shiela Gregoire - Why It Can Be Hard to Respect Your Husband

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