Journey to Surrender

The best sex happens when you both start looking at sex as a wonderful privilege.

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.  The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

1 Cor 7:3-4 NLT

Have you ever heard anyone preach a sermon on this scripture? I would guess not.

Giving authority over your body to your spouse? Taking personal responsibility to see that your spouse's sexual needs are met? That's some pretty scary stuff Paul is laying out here.

Check out The Message version. I feel like it gets at the heart of what Paul is trying to say:

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Survey Says...

I did a survey a while back to find out what people thought about these verses. To my surprise, 93% of people said they agree or agree strongly that these verses still apply to marriages today. In the same survey, 88% agreed or agreed strongly that they were the one responsible for their spouse's sexual satisfaction, with very little difference between men and women respondents.

So why are so many marriage suffering from a lack of sexual fulfillment? Only half of the people who took my survey were satisfied with their sex lives. (Side note: people who take sex surveys are generally more sex positive than the population in general, so I suspect the real dissatisfaction numbers are significantly higher).

I think a lot of the dissatisfaction has to do with how we view our sexual relationship.

Most couples are not evenly matched when it comes to sex drive. My own poll found that less than 10% of couples see themselves as having equal drive. Depending on whether you are the higher drive or lower drive spouse you might be tempted toward one of two views of sex: right or duty.

Sex as a Right

A higher drive spouse might read 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 and say they have the right to obtain sexual fulfillment with his or her spouse. This right extends so far as to include husband and wife each having authority over the other's body. So does a high drive spouse have the right to demand sex?

Well, that may be technically true, but demanding sex because you have a right to it is not very likely to lead to sexual fulfillment. It certainly is not going to produce genuine sexual intimacy in your marriage. It is not an expression of love and will not lead to lovemaking.

Sex as a Duty

If you are a wife or husband with a lower sex drive than your spouse, and you have read the Scripture above, you might be tempted to look at sex as a duty. In fact, the NIV translation of this passage uses that exact phrasing. "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." So is sex a duty?

Well, again, that may be semantically true. But viewing sex with your spouse simply as a duty is not going to provide much sexual satisfaction for your spouse - or for you. Duty sex is pretty easy to detect. In fact, many would rather forgo sex if their spouse is only going to give it to them out of obligation.

Sex as  a Privilege

So if we should not view sex either as a right or as a duty, how should we look at it?

Let me suggest instead that you think of sex a privilege.

A privilege is "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people... something regarded as a rare opportunity and bringing particular pleasure."

For the spouse on the lower drive side of things, start to move from thinking "I have to" toward thinking "I get to." Take delight in the unique privilege you have to provide sexual pleasure to your spouse.

For the higher drive spouse, rather than focusing on the the sex your aren't having, start focusing on and finding enjoyment in the sex you are having. Rather than concentrating what your spouse is not doing for you sexually, consider ways to provide for his or her non-sexual needs; not in order to manipulate them into giving you more sex, but out of a heart of love and serving.

Think of sex as a celebration of your love and an area for finding creative ways to express your delight in one another. If you are all he/she gets, don't you want to be all he/she ever wants? It's your love life; make it a great one.

The best sex happens when you both start seeing sex as the wonderful privilege it is, designed by God to foster the deepest intimacy in your relationship. Sex is the only kind of intimacy that you can enjoy with your spouse alone.

How might you approach sex with your spouse differently this week in light of the beautiful privilege that it is designed to be?

It's finally going to happen. And I need your help!


I'm happy to announce that I'm in the process of building a completely new website. Okay it's been "in process" since the beginning of the year, and in planning even longer, but I'm finally hoping to launch in October. I've got a bunch of great things planned for the new site, but more than anything else I'm interested in serving my readers with stuff that can help their marriages right where they are.

What Are Your Longings?

If you are like many of my readers, you've been married for a while. Are there things you've always wanted to see in your marriage, but haven't yet experienced? Have you given up on them? I believe it's never too late to see your dreams come true. Maybe it's time to renew your dreams. Don't settle for the marriage you have now. Dust off those heart-longings, take them to the Lord, and start to work toward seeing them come true, one small step at a time.

Maybe you don't have unfulfilled longings. Maybe your marriage is pretty good, even great. The thing is there is always more. There is always room to grow in intimacy and passion and trust and freedom and grace and love... There is plenty of new territory to explore for the sake of growing your marriage. Don't let auto-pilot take over, even if, and especially if your marriage is on solid footing. Auto-pilot is a death sentence!

My sincere desire is to see every couple have the marriage they dream of and to continue to grow together. I believe that's not only possible, but that it's God's plan.

So my question is this: How can I help you do that? Here is your chance to tell me.

Here's Where You Come In

I have an ongoing survey on my blog called "Three Things." If you are an email subscriber or you get my blog via an RSS feed, chances are you've missed out on this survey. Simply put, it poses the question, "What three things do you long most to see more of in your marriage?"

Would you please help me be able to focus on the things that matter most to you and take 1 minute to answer this simple question? Click below now!

Stay Tuned

As part of the new website initiative, I'm moving to a new web address as well, so you'll want to watch this space in order to make sure you move with me!

In addition, I am working on some tremendously helpful resources for building intimacy and passion in your marriage. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, pray for me and my efforts to get the new website up and running. It's a daunting task!

If there are any other topics you'd like to see covered in the future or a specific question you'd like to see addressed here, please feel free to send me an email or leave a comment below.

How you and your spouse define intimacy makes a difference in your quest to attain it. 

I'm wrapping up my intimacy series today with a final look at the findings from my "What is Intimacy?" survey.

It seems every couple wants more intimacy, although a husband and wife may define it differently. I think that God hardwired each of us to desire intimacy. It's in our nature because it's in his nature, and we are made in his image. 

As I've said previously, I believe deep and abiding intimacy is the highest goal of every marriage.

See the end of this post for more on this fascinating study.

Hardwired for Intimacy

This innate need for intimacy is not just my personal opinion. I recently heard of a scientific study that followed the lives of 714 men for 75 years, starting in 1938, in an attempt to understand what makes for a happy, healthy life. Three keys to happiness, as reported in the study, were:

• Close relationship with family and friends matter more than money or fame or high achievement (loneliness is toxic)
• High quality relationships matter more than a large quantity of them
• Stable, supportive marriages actually improve brain function and memory

In summary, close intimate relationships, including marriage, are the key to long term happiness and health.

The Differences

In my own, rather non-scientific survey, I asked people to define intimacy, then I asked them how satisfied they were with the intimacy in their marriage, as they had just defined it.

I'll preface these remarks with the admission that people's answers to those two questions don't provide enough insight into individual relationships to be able to understand all the underlying intimacy issues. However, it's easy to see that those who reported themselves as satisfied (either somewhat, mostly or completely) with the intimacy in their marriage and those who said they were dissatisfied (either somewhat, mostly or completely) differed most in their definition of intimacy in five areas:

Three keys to satisfaction

Lets look first at three significant areas where those who reported being most satisfied with the intimacy in their marriage differed in their description of intimacy from those who were less satisfied. (Where the blue bars in the chart are higher than the orange bars in the chart).

1) Oneness

In total, more than half of those who were satisfied with marital intimacy described it as including things like oneness, closeness and being connected at a deep level. They also frequently mentioned that this connection extends to physical, emotional and spiritual (see the next two difference). This compares to only one in three of those who were less satisfied with intimacy who included such descriptions.

Takeaway:  Intimacy is about connection.

2) Spiritual intimacy

The second biggest area of difference between satisfied and unsatisfied respondents was in the area of spiritual intimacy. Those who included the aspect of spiritual oneness when describing intimacy, were significantly more likely (38% vs 22%) to report being satisfied with the intimacy in their relationship.

This makes sense to me, because I believe that limiting intimacy to just the physical and emotional dimensions of your being will leave a significant hole in the level of connectedness a couple can experience

Takeaway:  Spiritual intimacy is essential. It completes the picture.

3) Whole being oneness

The last are of difference (blue bars vs. orange bars) is among those who described intimacy as being experienced in the whole of your being -  body, soul and spirit. Those who understood this were more likely to be satisfied (33%) than unsatisfied (22%) compared to those who limited their definition of intimacy to taking one or two areas. Most often, the missing dimension, as mentioned in number 2 above, was the spiritual dimension.

In truth, intimacy goes beyond the three areas that came out most prominently in the survey (physical, emotional and spiritual). It also includes, but is not limited to, financial intimacy (shared finances), recreational intimacy (shared fun), intellectual intimacy (shared learning) and more.

Takeaway: Intimacy happens best when it includes the entirety of your being - wholehearted intimacy.

Two  Unmet Needs

Now lets look at two areas where the orange bars (dissatisfied with intimacy) were higher than the blue bars (satisfied with intimacy) in the chart. I would equate these to unmet needs in the relationship.

4) Vulnerability

I touched on vulnerability in my last post.  The survey results showed that wives were significantly more like to describe intimacy with words like vulnerability, transparency and openness than were husbands. I also observed that wives, on whole, were less satisfied with the intimacy in their marriages than were husbands. Putting these two differences together, we can see from the chart above that those looking for vulnerability from their mate were more likely to report dissatisfaction with intimacy.

Takeaway: Intimacy requires fully knowing each other, and is especially important for husbands to understand about their wives.

5) Time

The last significant difference between those who were satisfied vs. dissatisfied with intimacy were those who defined intimacy in terms of time spent together. Clearly, those needing time with their partner in order to feel connected were more likely to report themselves as dissatisfied with the intimacy in their marriage. Perhaps these are individuals for whom quality time is their love language but who are not having that need met.

Takeaway: If time spent together is important to your spouse, it needs to be a priority for you as well.

• Harvard Study of Adult Development  
• Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger on the study

If you want more intimacy in your marriage, you better find out what it is.

Thank you to everyone who took my "What is Intimacy?" poll in the past few weeks. I've digested the answers to date and would like to share them with you, because they point to some suggestions for those seeking to deepen the intimacy in their marriage.

In case you missed the last few posts on intimacy, let me catch you up.

In Part 1 of this little series on intimacy in marriage "What is Intimacy?"  I suggested that intimacy is what matters most in marriage. In fact, I believe that intimacy is the primary purpose and goal of every marriage.

In Part 2, I described the Path of Intimacy and the Path of Separation, and the fact that you are on one path or the other. In that post, I also told you that the average survey respondent, regardless of how long they've been married, reported only being "somewhat satisfied" with the level of intimacy they have with their spouse.

Let's dig a little deeper into this intimacy question.

The Male/Female Intimacy Gap

There is a definite satisfaction gap between the husbands and the wives who took my survey.
The percentage of those reporting dissatisfaction (mostly or completely) were similar, at 16% for men and 15% for women. However, there were a lot fewer wives (43%) compared to husbands (61%) who were mostly or completely satisfied with their current level of intimacy. This difference translated to a similar, but opposite difference in those only somewhat satisfied or somewhat dissatisfied, labeled as the "middle group" in the chart above.

So what might explain this male/female difference? Lets look at how men and women answered the question, "What is Intimacy?" Of those in the satisfied and middle group, both men and women used words like "closeness," "oneness" and "connected" to describe intimacy (54% of husbands and 44% of wives).

However, in the same two groups, wives overwhelming referred more often to things like transparency, vulnerability, trust and safety when describing intimacy (53% of wives compared to only 8% of husbands). A stunning difference!

Bottom line: a wife will be less satisfied with marital intimacy unless it includes genuinely knowing each other at a deep level. It is no surprise, I suppose, that men, who are often less inclined to divulge and discuss their feelings, place a lower value on such aspects of  intimacy. But they do so at the cost of their wives the satisfaction of true intimacy on their terms.

What is True Intimacy?

The main question of the survey was an open-ended, free-form question, but I made an attempt to classify the answers into groups, as indicated in the chart below. There was a surprising amount of commonality.
Physical intimacy was included in more responses than any other (46%), followed by emotional (39%) then spiritual (32%). I separately noted those who included all 3 as well (28%).  Tied for most common answer, at 46%, was some variation of oneness. Similar words put into this group of answers were, "closeness" and "connection."

Some form of vulnerability was mentioned by 42% of respondents. Similar words included here are being "transparent," "honesty" and "openness." These responses often included the notion of not being judged and being accepted and loved, regardless of what is revealed.

Coming in at under 10% each were spending time together, being aware and tuned-in to each other, and meeting each others' needs.

Does all this tell us what true intimacy is? Not really.

Sure, I believe that true intimacy is the enjoyment of being fully known and completely loved. I believe that intimacy needs to take place in the whole of your being (emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.)

Yet, my definition isn't what matters. What matters is what you and your spouse think intimacy is. 

Discovering Deeper Intimacy

Whether you agree with me about the importance of intimacy to your marriage, chances are better than not that you aren't experiences all the intimacy you want with your spouse.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

If you are after more intimacy, then you need to be pretty sure you know what it is. And as I said, you need to know what it is to you, and more importantly, to your spouse. So ask him or her.  Ask, "What is intimacy to you?" Listen. Really listen. Chances are there will be some ways in which your idea of intimacy differs from your spouse. That's okay. It's important to understand where you differ.

But most important and most helpful of all is to ask a follow up question: "What can I do to help us experience a deeper level of the kind of intimacy you desire?" Then be intentional about doing those things on a regular basis.

If you want more intimacy in your marriage, you are going to have to do some things differently than you've been doing them.

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Next time we'll take a look at the differences between satisfied and dissatisfied couples when it comes to how they describe intimacy. Theses differences offer some good insight as to where we might look for deepening intimacy.

In the mean time, I've got a great new intimacy-building resource available called "Intimate Connections for Couples." Get the workbook now on my Amazon storefront and start using the conversation starting questions to move your marriage down the Path of Intimacy.

Sustaining intimacy in marriage is all about the daily choices we make.

Today's Friday Favorite post is an all-time top ten post that examines the truth that the intimacy in your marriage is either growing or declining - and you get to choose which.

Next week I'll be sharing some more from the "What is Intimacy?" poll responses I received last week, but for now I'll just share this chart.
What it tells me is that regardless of how long they've been married, on average couples are less than fully satisfied with the level of intimacy in their marriage - only "somewhat satisfied." There was surprisingly little variation over the years of marriage. (Exception: the one person who took the poll who was in their first year of marriage was "completely satisfied").

There is lots of room for improvement in the area of intimacy!!

Building and maintaining intimacy requires consistent attentiveness to your marriage. There is a natural drift onto The Path of Separation that happens when we take our eyes off the goal of having a deeper connection.

Check out this Friday Favorite post and the links to the whole intimacy series. Then determine to take some concrete action to put and keep your marriage on The Path of Intimacy.

By the way, if you haven't taken  my "What is Intimacy" poll you can still add your answers to the results. Take it here.


From the original post: Choosing the Path of Intimacy

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Intimacy is a funny thing. Not ha-ha funny. But strange funny.

Ask a dozen people what it is, and you’ll get 13 different answers. Men and women tend to define intimacy differently, and I think there are also some generational differences in how people look at it. It’s elusive and hard to pin down. If you ask a married couple if they are feeling intimate with their spouse at any given time, they will probably tell you how they feel (yes/no/somewhat), but they may not be able to say exactly why.

As elusive as it seems, most everyone seems to understand its importance to marriage.  As my new reader survey results continue to show, intimacy is one of the most sought after topics on my blog. So even though I've touched on it periodically, I decided it's time to really give the topic the attention it is due.

Intimacy is a Living Thing

It is important to understand that intimacy is organic; it’s a living thing. As such it is either growing or dying. Very few living things can stay dormant for very long and still survive.

Regardless of how you define intimacy, you are either growing toward each other or growing away from each other as a couple. I look at this dynamic as a couple either being either on the Path of Intimacy or on the Path of Separation. And make no mistake; you are on one or the other.

The Path of Separation

When left to inertia and natural human tendencies, intimacy will tend to decline. It just doesn’t happen on its own. It takes a conscious effort to get on and stay on the Path of Intimacy, whereas the Path of Separation is easy to enter and even easier to stay on.

This is why so many couples seem to wake up one day suddenly asking themselves questions like: “where has the passion gone?” or “why does he always treat me like that?” or “why doesn’t she trust me?” or “why does he leave everything to me?” or “does she always have to be such a nag?” or “isn’t she attracted to me any more?”

The Path of Separation that leads to these questions can be a subtle one. You may be on it for months or even years before you realize that you are in a marriage that lacks the kind of intimacy and passion you once had; the kind of intimacy and passion you desire. Often by that time old habits and patterns of thinking are deeply ingrained, making it difficult to reverse course and get back on the Path of Intimacy.

But it is possible. Very possible.

The Path of Intimacy

Wouldn’t you rather wake up one day saying things like: “Wow, I didn’t know it could be that good after all these years,” or “I can’t believe we are still so in love,” or “this just keeps getting better and better,” or “I’m so thankful I married my best friend,” or “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

I plan to spend some time on the important topic of how to choose the Path of Intimacy. I want to look at how the choices we make either put us on the right or wrong path when it comes to intimacy. I want to examine things that destroy intimacy and things that build it up.

If you desire a more deeply intimate marriage, stick around for this series and join in on the discussion.


Index to the rest of the Intimacy Series:

1. Intimacy - It's Not What You Think!
2. Intimacy - Choose Trust
3. Intimacy - Choose to Lose the Shame
4. Intimacy - As Much as You Want
5. Intimacy - The Most Important Ingredient

It's a special Friday! I'm combining a Friday Favorite post with Friday Freebie giveaway.
I have proposed here on multiple ocassions that intimacy is the primary goal of marriage. I explained why I believe that in today's Friday Favorite post, "What if Intimacy Matters Most?"

It's because of the Bridal Paradigm, which is my understanding of myself as the bride of Christ. It is through that lens that God portrays the perfect picture of marriage. It is through that lens that I see Christ as my Bridegroom, looking for an eternal bride. Christ's pursuit of me, a pursuit that cost him his very life, was not so that I would follow all the religious rules. No, Jesus' pursuit of me was so that I could live in intimacy with him forever as his bride, starting right here and now. (Sorry guys, if you want to be a great husband you will just have to get over yourself and get a clear picture of what it means to be a bride.) 

If Intimacy Really Matters Most

So if you buy into my belief that intimacy is the most important goal in marriage, what should you do about it?

You have to work at it! More from my What If post:

Genuine intimacy in marriage doesn't happen on its own. The natural state of a relationship is not intimacy but coexistence. Left untended, a marriage can easily devolve over time into little more than being excellent roommates.

Focusing on Intimacy Changes Everything

If I really put the goal of intimacy with my wife ahead of everything else in our relationship, a lot of things would have to change.

• I would no longer see having my personal needs met as the most important thing in our relationship. Instead of asking "What can I get from her?" I would ask, "What can I do to keep us close?"
• I would not depend on my wife to make me happy and to keep me that way. Instead, I would find the greatest happiness when our intimacy is deepest. I would gladly take the lead in our pursuit of every form of intimacy.
• Demanding my rights and insisting on my "fair share" would be replaced by looking out for what is best for our marriage and our relationship.
• When I feel offended or disappointed, instead of reacting by keeping emotional distance, I would press closer to her, seek to understand what is really going on, and do my best to eliminate whatever is standing between us.
• Instead of giving my wife only my leftovers, after my job and ministry and chores have taken everything out of me, I would make sure I have sufficient physical, emotional, sexual, and mental energy to give the best part of me to her.

Defining Intimacy
(and the Freebie)

If we are going to make intimacy of primary importance in marriage, we probably need to understand what it is.  I have my own ideas, but I would really like to know what you think intimacy is.

So I've created a little giveaway incentive to get you to tell me your thoughts. I'm giving away three copies of my "Intimate Connections for Couples" workbook (spiral bound, hardcopy) to three of you who will give me your thoughts. Enter using the Rafflecopter contest below. You can get exra entries by tweeting about the contest and sharing it on Facebook, but answering the short survey question is required to win.

I'll be posting some of your answers here next week in a follow up post. Don't worry, the survey is entirely anonymous. Contest closes Tuesday at midnight, so click below and enter now!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

There is no better way to experience date night oneness than through sexual intimacy.

I'm wrapping up my Date Night series today with a post about the ultimate expression of marital intimacy. That's right, we're talking about date night sex.

The whole reason I've taken a month to encourage you to improve your date night habits this year is so that your marriage will experience deeper intimacy. Regular, dedicated and focused one-on-one time is essential if you are going to grow closer together as a couple.

Since closeness is what we are after, there is no better way to experience it than through sexual intimacy. It's the ultimate expression of marital oneness.

Who Has Date Night Nooky?

Surprisingly, couples who took my Date Night Survey reported that sex was part of date night less than half the time. More surprisingly, men and women reported the same overall percentage of sexual activity (the Grand Total in the chart below). This stands in stark contrast the results of my Sexual Satisfaction Survey, in which the men generally reported having a lot less sex than the women.
But here is one area where husbands and wives did differ significantly. For men, the less frequently the couple had dates, the lower percentage of those dates included sexual activity. For wives who went on dates once a month or more, the opposite was true. For example, for couples who had weekly dates, men reported that 60% of their dates included sex, whereas for wives sex happened only 43% of the time. Those who dated once per month, wives reported that 63% of their dates included sex, but for husbands it was only 45%.

Perhaps its just a statistical anomaly, But if you can explain that disconnect I'd love to hear your theory!

Learn to Be More Intentional

I don't think that every date needs to include sexual activity. However, I would suggest that you and your spouse be intentional about including physical intimacy much of the time.

Why?

Well, I would ask, why not? Seriously. Unless there is a reason not to, try to make a sexual connection part of most date nights (or date mornings).

How can you make a sexual connection more likely?

For the low-drive spouse (typically but not always the wife), date-night nooky starts in your mind. Instead of dreading the possibility, embrace the idea of an unmatched intimate connection with your spouse. Think of it as a way to bless your spouse with the gift of your body. No one wants begrudging charity sex - your spouse will certainly know. Spend some time in advance of date night thinking positive sexual thoughts and preparing yourself mentally for a wonderful encounter. You might even want to mention to your spouse how you are looking forward to making love in a text, note, or phone call.

For the high-drive spouse (typically but not always the husband), focus your thoughts on the non-sexual connection you'll be making with your spouse during the date. Don't make the mistake of thinking date night is simply a way to get sex! Your spouse will know and likely be offended. For improving your connection during the date, consider getting a copy of my brand new Intimate Connections workbook and using one or more of the pages to spark some intimacy-building conversations.

I hope you've found the date night series helpful and an encouragement for you to make 2016 a year where you do a better job of dating each other more consistently and creatively. I plan to revisit this topic from time to time with date-night ideas and maybe a few reports on some of our own date nights. We might even have a date night contest at some point.

If you've found the series helpful in some way or if it has spurred you to be more proactive in dating your spouse, please let me know with a comment.

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Check out the earlier posts in the Date Night Series:

1. Read why date night is so important go read my first post in this series. Why You Need to Keep (or Start) Dating in 2016
2. For some ideas on how to plan date nights and what most couples do (and want to do more), check out my second post. Making the Most of Date Night
3. My third post explains how home dates can be a great way to overcome common date night obstacles: Overcoming Date Night Obstacles with Home Dates

Home date nights are the perfect remedy when time, money and energy are scarce and the kids are small. 

As we saw in my first Date Night post, 44% of couples said that busyness was a major obstacle to having more frequent dates. It was the number one obstacle. Money, at 34%, was the second biggest impediment. Being too tired was third at 31%, and 29% said it was too hard with kids.

I've got a great remedy for these three problems: date night at home!

As you can see from the chart below 70% of couples taking my survey rarely or never do dates at home. I wish I had asked why not?!

As I mentioned last time, Jenni and I do plenty of home dates for various reasons. I'll admit, though, that we haven't been as creative or invested as much effort as we could (or as we will in the year ahead!). Our typical home-dates usually consist of dinner together (we are empty nesters) and a movie or maybe a game. Occasionally, if we are going the extra mile, we add an appetizer and glass of wine before dinner, make a fire, or light some candles.

Our typical home-date isn't very different from the folks in my survey. Here's what they do on their home date nights, and what they said they would like to do more of.

Why Home Dates Makes Sense

Busyness is a relationship killer! I don't know why we fill our schedules with so many less important appointments and tasks and allow our marriage to suffer as a consequence, but we do. Maybe it has to do with taking each other and our marriages for granted.

Leaving space in your life for your marriage is another post for another time, but even if you are super-busy, you can make room in your week for a 1-2 hour date at home. The challenge is to be deliberate about setting aside time for it. Designate an evening to go for a walk, to sit together and have glass of wine and just talk, to play a game you both enjoy, or even schedule a leisurely evening of physical intimacy (more on that in an upcoming post!).

If money is your issue, date nights at home can be very inexpensive! All of the examples i just gave don't really cost anything but your time. Cook dinner together, maybe experimenting with new cuisine. If you don't feel like cooking, get take-out and save on the tip and drinks.

If you have young children, date nights at home make even more sense, because you don't need to worry with finding a babysitter. Plus, when you put kids and busyness together, you end up with the another big date-night obstacle: being too tired . Get the kids in bed, early if necessary, and spend the remainder of the evening relaxing together. Take a bath together, snuggle in front of a warm fire or go straight to bed and enjoy making a physical connection.

And let's not forget mornings. If your kids are old enough to get up without you, have coffee, tea or breakfast in bed together, have your quiet times together or make love before you start your other responsibilities and normal daily routine.

Inject a Little Creativity

The one risk of home date nights is that it's easy to get lazy. Truthfully, if your only time together during the week is spent sitting facing the television, you aren't engaging much with each other. Sure, flipping on the TV is easy and it's an escape, but it probably isn't the best way to spend your date night, if that's all you do. So try to do something that allows you to also communicate and connect with each other. As a minimum, spend the commercials kissing!

Sure, getting creative with your home dates will probably take a little extra effort, or at minimum a little extra thought, but it is well worth it to keep your time together fresh and interesting. Relationships need new experiences every once in a while to stay out of the comfortable ruts we quite naturally tend to fall into.

What's your favorite way to spend time together on a home date? Leave a comment.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" If your date night planning includes this sentence, you might need to up your game.

We're talking about date night this month, and I'm encouraging every couple to take a fresh look in 2016 at their date night habits. Regardless of how you did last year, I'm asking you to up your dating game and take it to the next level in the new year.

So far, in my current poll, What Do You Want More of In Your Marriage?, I'm finding lots of couples looking for more emotional connection (34%), fun and adventure (30%), romance (19%), and more time together (18%). The good news is that all of these can and should be fueled by having more regular dates.

Often, the first question that comes up after you've gotten past the obstacles to date night is the question of what to do. (See my last post for more on obstacles.)

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Wife:  "What should we do for date night this week?"

Husband:  "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

Wife:  "Whatever you want to do."

Husband.  "No, whatever you want to do."

Both shrug. And round it goes, with no one wanting to make the decision.

Who Plans?

In my survey, I asked about who did the planning for date night.  Here's what I found:

• I do most or all of the planning - This was the most common answer. 54% of husbands and 41% of wives said this was the case.
• My spouse does most or all of the planning - 15% of husbands and 15 % of wives said their spouse did the bulk of the planning, 
• We plan dates together - About one in five couples plan their dates together.
• We take turns planning - one in four wives and one in ten husbands said they usually took turns planning their dates.

Who is Happiest?

Regardless of who planned them, people were not all that happy with their date night activities. The average "content happiness score" was only 2.2, and basically the same for men and women (scale was 1 to 5, with 5 being most happy).

You would expect that the one planning dates would be the happiest with the content, but that wasn't the case. In fact, happiness with the content of date night was about the same for all but one kind of planning: taking turns. Taking turns planning date resulted in a higher reported degree of happiness, especially for wives, but to some extent also for husbands.

Takeaway: take turns planning what you will do on your next few dates.

There are several reasons I like this approach. First, it allows each to take the initiative in turn, which is an act of pursuit. Second, there tends to be fewer "default dates," where you decide to just do the same old thing because it's easier, or because no one wants to decide.  Third, taking turns creates an opportunity to surprise your spouse with something special, interesting or even adventurous once in a while. Fourth, it's an opportunity to bless your spouse with something that you know would interest him or her, even if it isn't your cup of tea.

Finally, taking turns works - and I have the data to prove it.

What Couples Do

Here's what the folks who took my date night survey said their date nights consisted of:
Among the "other" answers were: shopping (more men than women mentioned this!), camping, church activities and various at-home activities (See next week's post for more on date-night-at-home options)

Dinner out seems to be the go-to date night option for most, with 94% dining out often or sometimes. About half took to outdoor activities (49%), with coffee/desert coming in third at 42%. Movies (42%), shows & concerts (31%) and sporting activities (28%) were next, with drinks/cocktails coming in last at 19%.

What Couples Want to Do More

I asked couples what kind of dates they wish they had more of. Here is what they said.

To my surprise, the top two were the same between what people did and what they wanted to do more: outdoor activities (54%) and dinner (51%). In fact the only significant difference between the two charts above was that my survey takers wanted to to more cultural events like shows, concerts or other performing arts than what they were currently doing.

Despite not being all that happy with their current date night activities, I got the impression that people were just asking for more of the same.

Takeaway: splurge once in a while on tickets to a special event. It takes more planning a little more money, but it might be just what you need to give your date night routine a shot in the arm.

Second Takeaway: If you aren't that happy with your date nights, change them!

Our Date Night Life

My wife and I are fairly protective of our date nights, and I would say most weeks we manage to have a date of some kind. It's easier for us to be consistent now that we are empty-nesters and have more control over our time. But I've been convicted by writing this series that I need to take my own challenge and step up our date nights as well. For her part, Jenni can't remember the last time she planned an outing for us.

We haven't been particularly innovative or done much planning ahead, so we have tended to default to many of the same activities, which often  means dinner out and the occasional movie. We love spending time together no matter what we do, and neither of us puts pressure on the other to create a "wow" experience every week, but we can definitely do better at making our dates more special. We've decided to  take a crack at taking turns planning our next few dates.

We also do a lot of date nights in. Sometimes we are just too tired and harried to go out, and a quiet night at home sounds like just the ticket. My survey also covered date nights at home, and around 30% said half or more of their date nights were spent at home. We'll dig into date nights at home in my next post. Be sure to stick around - sign up for posts by email if you want to get the rest of this series delivered right to your inbox!

So what does your date night look like? What do you wish you could do more? Who plans your date nights? How's it all working. Tell us your story. Leave a comment.

A warm welcome to all the new subscribers who signed up through my "Warm Winter Date Night" giveaway. Congratulations to Krista on winning the contest - I'll be contacting you shortly.

To the rest of you, I hope you'll stick around. I hope you'll be a regular reader (and commenter) here on Journey to Surrender. Most of all, I hope your marriage will be blessed and strengthened by what I share.

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As I mentioned in my last post about the giveaway, I'm launching into a new series this month: Date Night.

I'm sure you've seen lists like this before.
You've read them, and thought "yeah, we really need to do that." Then you went on with your Iife and forgot all about it.

I get it. Life crashes in, and thoughts of date night fade into the distance. It's too hard to do it with any consistency, and there are too many reasons it just doesn't seem possible right now. Maybe someday. Maybe someday when the kids are older. Maybe someday when work isn't so demanding. Maybe someday when I'm not so tired. Maybe someday when we have more money.

The problem with waiting for "someday" is that someday never comes. There will always be reasons that continuing to date each other is difficult, no matter the season of life you find yourself in.

Whether you've been married 4 months or 40 years, you need to keep dating for all the reasons listed in the infographic above and more.

You probably already know that. The question is what are you going to do about it? Now?

Make a Plan for 2016

I'm not a big believer in New Years resolutions. I am, however, a big believer in making a plan to accomplish a goal, especially when that goal has to do with your marriage.

I'm going to be sharing some results from my recent Date Night poll in the coming posts, along with Date Night ideas, and additional encouragement as to why this is so important.

I'll share here the first few Date Night poll results (more to come in future posts). In my survey, 47% of respondents were either somewhat or very unhappy about the frequency of their dates. Only 10% were very happy. Clearly there is a lot of room for improvement in most marriages - probably in yours too. You are not alone!

Here's what people said were the biggest impediments to having more regular date nights.
Busyness was clearly the number one enemy of date nights, followed closely by having not enough money or enough energy to make it happen. A significant majority reported one of these as among their top obstacles.

It's easy to say, and less easy to do, but these really come down to managing your priorities. Bottom line: these marriages are getting leftovers, and most of the time there aren't any.

So as you set plans and goals in place for 2016, sit down with your spouse and talk about what is keeping you from more frequent and regular date nights. Identify your top few obstacles, and then brainstorm options for overcoming them. What are you willing to say "no" to, in order that you can say "yes" to a better, more intimate, more passionate marriage?

Make specific plans for who is going to do what differently in order to make a way for dates to happen more consistently.

Make a Plan for January

Let's start with baby steps, and just look at what's left of this month.

Get out your January calendars, and set aside at least 2 or 3 dates in the coming weeks for dates. You don't have decide right now what you are going to do (that's for my next post), but decide who will be in charge of making the plans, whether you take turns, plan together, or one person does it all.

Whoever it is that is designated as the date planner, hold each other accountable. It's okay to ask, a week or so out, whether the plans are all set. Don't be tempted to say, "Well, if he/she really cared, I wouldn't have to remind him/her." Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Better to say, "I'm really looking forward to our date on Friday. Can you clue me in on your plans? Or is it going to be a surprise?"

What is the biggest obstacle for you and your spouse when it comes to having more dates? What do you think can be done to overcome it? Leave a comment.


Next Time:  "I Don't Know, What Do You Want to Do?"

Discover the key factor that distinguishes a great sex life from a poor one.

The fact that our society has largely separated sex and marriage does not change the fact that God created sex as the ultimate expression of marital intimacy. A healthy amount of sexual intimacy is essential to the strength and longevity of every marriage, yours included.

But how much sex constitutes a "healthy amount?" It's a question that every couple needs to answer for themselves, of course, because needs and desires vary greatly from person to person.

I can however, tell what most couples say is enough sex based on the 450 responses to my Sexual Satisfaction Survey. (Get the full report in my free download here).

Beyond Frequency

Before I share with you the numbers from my survey, I want to stress that sexual frequency is not the sole determining factor in sexual satisfaction. If you aren't both actively engaged and  fully aiming to meet each others needs during lovemaking, then regardless of the frequency, it's not likely to lead to a fulfilling sex life. Those needs will vary greatly between men and women, between the high-drive and low-drive spouse, the stage of your marriage, and also depend on what is happening in your marriage outside the bedroom.

Still, I would argue pretty strongly that in most cases, sufficient sexual frequency is a minimum requirement for a healthy, happy sex life.

Now let's look at what constitutes "sufficient."

The Once-a-week Wall

In my survey results, there was a direct correlation between sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction. That is, more frequent sex led to a higher level of reported sexual satisfaction for both husbands and wives.

Overall, the people who took my survey reported an average of about 7 sexual encounters per month or a little less than twice per week. (I didn't ask people what qualifies as a sexual encounter.)

Here is the interesting part: there is a stark divide in the numbers, as portrayed in the chart below.  It's what I call the "once-a-week wall."

What it shows is that couples who had sex more than once per week (left side of the wall on the chart) reported vastly different levels of satisfaction than couples who had sex less than once per week (the right side of the wall). And the difference was dramatic.

Overall, couples who had sex more often than once per week were 12 times more likely to report having a great sex life than those having sex less than once per week. Specifically, 59% of those having sex more than once a week gave themselves an 8, 9 or 10 in overall satisfaction on a 10 point scale ("a great sex life"). Only 5% of those having sex less than once a week reported having a great sex life.

There was a similar dramatic divide in those reporting a poor sex life (1, 2 or 3 on a 10 point scale). Couples having sex less than once per week were 11 times more likely to rate themselves as having a poor sex life. Specifically, 69% of those having sex less than once a week reported a poor sex life, but only 6% of those having sex more than once a week were in the group with the lowest satisfaction.

What Does This Mean for You?

If you are a husband or wife who has made sex a low priority, for whatever reason, it's time to change that. Begin with being aware of how much sex you are having, then set a goal to improve on that, ultimately working toward having sex at least twice most weeks.

Figure out what is impeding sexual intimacy in your marriage and make the necessary changes to eliminate those impediments.  Being your spouse's only valid avenue of sexual satisfaction is both a great privilege and sobering responsibility.

If you are a husband or wife whose spouse does not seem interested in more frequent sex, who even maybe is completely withholding sex from you, it's time for some direct dialog on the subject. Or maybe it's time for an additional, and perhaps different, direct dialog.

And it's time to get God involved in some three way conversation. He has thoughts on this subject that I'm sure he would like to share with you and your spouse if you invite him to.

If whatever you have tried in the past isn't resulting in the progress you want, it's time to try a different approach.

Do What it Takes

I'm not suggesting that you beg more sincerely or shout more loudly. No, I'm talking about having a sincere dialogue about what's missing in your marriage on more than just a sexual level. Is there enough intimacy in other forms? Emotional? Spiritual? Do spend enough time together? Do you get real with each other?

I often find that sex is simply a barometer of what's happening elsewhere in the relationship. Step back and take an honest assessment of the whole of your marriage.

There are a bunch of my marriage blogging friends that focus on sexual intimacy in marriage. Check out what they have to say about how to improve your sexual relationship and how to deal with high-drive, low-drive issues, among other topics. Here are but a few suggested resources:

• The Generous Husband
• The Generous Wife
• One Flesh Marriage
• The X-Y Code - Decoding the Male Mind
• Intimacy in Marriage - Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy
• Hot Holy & Humorous - Sex & Marriage by God's Design
• Forgiven Wife - Learning to Dance with Desire
• Bonny's Oysterbed - Encouraging the Low-libido Wife through a Christian Lens.

Bonny has two posts from yesterday and today that are very timely to our discussion: Starting the Sex Conversation, and Gently Blunt Sex Conversations. I highly recommend these thoughtful posts.

Is my finding of the once-a-week wall surprising to you? Does it line up with the experience in your own marriage? Leave a comment.

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If you'd like to see more fascinating results from my recent Sexual Satisfaction Survey, you can download my free e-book from Noisetrade.

The e-book digs into the intimate lives of 450 marriages with the purpose of helping you have a meaningful dialog with your spouse about sexual intimacy. Each section lists key takeaways from the findings and offers questions that can prompt open conversation.

Get my brand new free eBook "How to Have a Succ-sex-full Marriage" now! 

What married couple doesn't want more intimacy? If my New Reader Poll is any indication, it's a universal desire.

I actually think intimacy should be the main goal of every marriage, as I explained in What If Intimacy Matters Most.

It's important to grow together in all forms of intimacy, whether it be emotional, spiritual, sexual, financial, intellectual or whatever. But sexual intimacy is the only form of intimacy uniquely designated by God to be enjoyed inside the bounds of the marriage covenant. You are your spouse's only valid avenue to sexual fulfillment, and that makes physical intimacy both a wonderful privilege and a significant responsibility.

Intimacy Requires Vulnerability

My observation is that many couples struggle in their sexual relationship, settling for a less-than-satisfying sex life. Why? Because your sexual relationship is a place of extreme vulnerability, and vulnerability brings with it the opportunity for hurt feelings, misunderstandings, accusation and shame. This makes it hard for many couples to communicate constructively about sex, choosing instead to keep their true feelings hidden from their spouse.

If that describes your marriage, or if you just want to take things to a new level, I've got a great resource for you that can prompt a deeper dialog with your spouse about the physical intimacy in your marriage. It's a free e-book, How to Have a Succ-sex-full Marriage, available for download through Noisetrade books. Based on the results of a sexual satisfaction poll I ran on my blog and social media outlets, the findings represent an inside look at the intimate lives of 450 marriages.

Intimacy, in whatever form, requires vulnerability. Perhaps physical intimacy requires greater risk than any other, but the rewards are greater too. Lovemaking is where intimacy in your marriage reaches its zenith. God designed it that way.

So I encourage you to get my new e-book and use it to help you engage with your spouse in meaningful and helpful conversations about the sexual intimacy in your marriage. Each section includes key takeaways from the survey findings and questions to prompt discussion.

Don't Settle

One of the findings from the poll was that only 7% of respondents ranked their sex life 10 on a 10 point scale.  That means for 93% of us, there is room to grow in sexual intimacy. Truthfully I believe even the 10's have room to grow. There is always more intimacy available.

In a recent post, Sexual Settling, blogging friend Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband talks about why it's important not to just settle for the sex life you have. I agree with what he says, "Failing to have the sex life God intended seems to me as wrong as failing to follow His will in any other area of our lives."

Sexual intimacy is important to every marriage - to YOUR marriage. God designed it that way. He designed our bodies for pleasure and then asked us give them away to each other for our mutual satisfaction and fulfillment. 

I hope you'll get my new e-book, and I hope and pray it will help in your journey toward deeper sexual intimacy in your marriage. And I hope you'll come back here after you've read it and let me know what stood out you or surprised you in the findings.  Or feel free to send me an email. My contact info is here.

Is the culture in your marriage giving you the kind of marriage you want?

Over the next two posts we are going to be exploring culture. No, not what's happening in society, but rather I'll be encouraging you to take a closer look at the culture that exists within your marriage.

Why is your marriage's culture important? Allow me to borrow a few phrases from the business improvement book, Change the Culture, Change the Game, by Roger Connor and Tom Smith.

Every organization [marriage] has a culture, which either works for you or against you.

Either you manage the culture or it will manage you.

The culture of your marriage will largely determine the future course of your relationship with your spouse.

In a post I did a few years ago, What is the Culture of Your Marriage?, I made the claim that "a pound of culture is worth 10 pounds of strategy." What I meant by that is that if you get the culture right, strategy becomes less critical. The truth is that your actions and words tend to line up more with your culture than with your strategy, plans and intentions.

Your marriage has the culture you and your spouse let happen. You either shaped it intentionally toward what you wanted it to be or it defaulted to something else. Obviously it's better to purposefully craft your culture, but to do that it's helpful to first understand where you are.

Below are five questions that will give you insight into the culture that surrounds your marriage:

1) What do you believe about your marriage? 

Connor says in his book that transformational change doesn't happen until you change what you believe. It's true in business. It's true in your faith walk. And it's true in your marriage.

So what do you believe?

Do you still believe in the vows your made on your wedding day? Believe it or not, they become more important the longer you are married. Do you believe that marriage is a convenient social institution or do you understand it to be a holy union personally designed by God to be reflection of his love relationship with us?

Do you believe your marriage is primarily for what you get out of it, or do you understand that it's about more than your personal happiness?

Do you buy the lie of inevitable marital decline, that all marriage devolve into roommate status? Do you believe that you can have as much intimacy as you desire and that there is always more available to you than what you are walking in right now?

Changing your actions without changing your belief system is unsustainable. As Connor explains, belief is the difference between investment and mere involvement.

 2)  What do you and your spouse value most?

What is most important to you? Family? Faith? Finances? How do your value priorities differ from those of your spouse?

When a couple has differing value priorities, it inevitably creates stress and tension in the marriage. How do you navigate these differences? Do you have a culture of honor, where you respect what is important to your spouse even when it is not something you care that much about? Does your spouse do the same for you?

3) What is your attitude toward your marriage and your spouse?

Attitude is the way you express and apply your beliefs and values.

What would people say about your marriage by observing your behavior? Do you act in a manner consistent with your values and beliefs?

Do you maintain an attitude of grace when your spouse seems to act in a way that is our of character makes a misstep? Or do you hold onto resentments and let them build up to an eventual explosion?

4) How do you steward your marriage?

How do you spend your time, money and energy? These say a lot about your actual values, perhaps despite what you say is important. We all struggle getting priorities right sometimes, but on balance, your marriage needs to be the second most important relationship in your life next to Jesus. Your spouse and God are the only two beings you have a covenant relationship with. Do you treat them that way?

What activities characterize your marriage? Do you still date each other? Do you still pursue each other? Do you have shared interests?

5) What is the main goal of your marriage?

This is a critical question that many couples never bother to ask of each other. Not having a common understanding of the main goal of your marriage means you are likely never to attain it. You may even be heading in the opposite direction.

In my post Is Happiness the Right Goal in Marriage I proposed some possible goals for your marriage: selfless surrender, oneness, reaching your full potential, having joy and peace, or holiness. In What If Intimacy Matters Most? I explained my belief that intimacy is actually the most important goal of marriage. Do you agree?

Having a common goal or set of goals for your marriage can greatly impact its culture.


It isn't my intent to judge  your answers to these questions. I ask them to encourage you to take stock for yourself and see if the culture in your marriage is getting you the kind of marriage you want.

Next time we'll look at three simple ways to help shift the culture of your marriage in a  positive direction.

Until then, I challenge you to reduce all this to three words that best describe the culture of your marriage. It's a worthwhile exercise.  If you feel bold, leave your three word answer in a comment.

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Wives Only: The men's ministry of my church is having a conference in September. Ahead of that we are taking a survey about what is important to wives. Will you help us out and take two minutes to complete the quick survey?

Why hitting a wall may not always be a bad thing.

Have you ever "hit a wall" in your life? If you have, then you know what I mean by the term. If not, well, read on, because you probably will some day.

Hitting a wall: you know, when you are striving hard for something and suddenly, wham-o, progress toward your goal suddenly stops.

I recently hit a wall at work. I hit it hard, charging at full speed. I was so angry and disoriented that I took the rest of the week off work.

My wall leapt out at me from nowhere, but walls can also creep up on you. Progress slowly grinds to a halt, and it can take a while to realize what is happening.

Hitting a Wall in Your Marriage

We all have hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations for our marriages. Most of you are probably putting significant mental, physical and spiritual effort toward reaching them. More emotional closeness. A more passionate sex life. Being free of debt. Retiring early and traveling the globe together.

These are all good goals to pursue, but sometimes life and circumstances bring on those wall-crashing moments. Bang! And suddenly the goal seems unreachable.

What do you do when you hit a wall? Depending on your personality, your instinct might be to give up or to put your head down and fight even harder.

Let me give you three tips I recently learned from my own crash and burn.

1.  Rethink Your Instinct

My pastor shared some interesting insight with me in regard to my work situation. He said that sometimes the Lord will put wall in front of us to get us to go a direction other than where our natural path might be. In my job, I would normally have pushed back hard to see my agenda moved forward. But in this case, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was to ease off instead. There was an amazing sense of peace that came over me when I realized that my happiness didn't depend on my own plan being accepted and supported.

When you hit a wall, your emotions will tend to take over and drive to react instinctively. Let me encourage you to respond instead of react. When you react to hitting a wall, it is usually out of fear, insecurity or pain. Choosing to respond (and it is a choice) means you step back and challenge your instinctive reaction and give yourself time to size up the situation. You can then think it through based on your core values and prayerful consideration rather than raw emotion.

2.  Take Time to Reassess

When you pause to do an honest assessment of the situation, you might just find that your most natural course of action is not the best way forward. You may discover that the path you were charging so hard down before you hit the wall wasn't actually taking you where you want to go.

Brain science proves that our human brains are hardwired to look for the autopilot switch. Consider the wall an opportunity to do a fresh assessment. Maybe it is time to dream some new dreams or set some new goals. Maybe it is time to take a different path toward the goals that you want to continue to pursue.

(I shouldn't need to say this, but I will: obviously I am not suggesting that this reassessment include giving up on your marriage.)

Communication with your spouse in this season is critical. This is an opportunity to build intimacy by being vulnerable and transparent. Even if your spouse was the source of the wall, I still encourage you not to draw away, as your natural reaction might be. Instead, respond by reaching out, however meagerly to make some sort of connection.

I encourage you to pray a lot in the wall-recovery season. Search out the heart of God. Our Father is a good Father, and he has only good intentions toward us. Tap into and agree with what heaven says.

3.  Begin Anew

Read the amazing promises from the Lamentations 3 scripture graphic, and take them to heart. Take time to wait on the Lord and to prayerfully think everything through.

But also don't over-think it. Don't get stuck while you are trying to figure everything out. Every day is a new day and an opportunity for a fresh start. Regardless of how you feel, the Lord's compassion and love are unchanging, day in and day out.

Eventually it's time to take a deep breath and then press forward again. Step out in hope and in the confident expectation of God's goodness and love toward you.

When it comes to your marriage, don't just wait around for your spouse to change. Instead, work on yourself. Do the things you know to do. Delight yourself in doing good for the sake of your marriage and in blessing your spouse.

Be thankful. Nothing moves your heart forward after crashing into a wall like giving thanks. You don't have to be thankful for the wall (though you may find that you eventually are), but find the good in your marriage and spouse and begin to be thankful for them. And it really helps to say your thanks out loud, even to your spouse.

Hitting a wall can be brutal. But it also has the potential to bring with it life-changing, eye-opening fresh opportunities, dreams and direction.

Have you hit a wall and seen how God turned it into a blessing? Would you care to share your experience with my readers? Leave a comment.


Date Night!  - I'm running a new survey on my blog about date nights.  Please take a minute to confidentially share about your date night habits and wishes.