Journey to Surrender

Last time I wrote about the potential damage technology can inflict on your marriage and ways to avoid it.

This week we'll look at ways to use technology to actually bless your spouse and improve your marriage.


1. Keep in Touch

Although electronic communication (texts, emails, private messages, etc) are no substitute for real, in-person conversation, it does afford couples easy ways to stay in touch with each other. Jenni and I text and message each other frequently throughout the day, and I find that it helps us maintain our connection while we are physically separated. We let each other know of prayer needs, victories and struggles in real time. It is helpful when we are unable to have a lengthy conversation.

Here are a few ways to keep in touch electronically:

• Text a prayer request or ask how you can pray for your spouse.
• Send an instant message "I'm especially missing you today."
• Follow up on an important meeting or event and ask how it went
• Send a link to a song that reminds you of your spouse or that might be an encouragement

2. Be Intentional

I keep all my calendars and to do lists online and they are available across all my devices. I also use these tools to help me be intentional where Jenni is concerned.

Here are a few examples of how I do that:

• Keep track of her schedule so I can pray for her and ask her about happenings.
• Jot down movies we talk about wanting to see in a list.
• Put date nights in my calendar so I can remember to plan when it's my turn.
• Make a note of blog posts or articles I'd like us to discuss together

3. Get Your Flirt On

Sometimes it's easier to be flirty when you aren't face-to-face. There are even apps like Couple and Avacado that provide a secure way to communicate words and pictures that you wouldn't want someone to stumble across in your phone.

Here are a few ways to flirt with your spouse.

• Remind your spouse of a sexy memory.  Ask if you can re-enact it tonight.
• Thank your spouse for "last night," accompanied by the appropriate emoticons.
• Visually oriented husbands especially like to see a bit of skin or lingerie (but make sure it's totally secure)
• Text your spouse something you like about their physical appearance.
• Send a message suggesting what you have in mind for the two of you tonight after the kids are in bed

Important note: husbands and wives usually have different definitions of how they like be flirted with. Try to keep in mind your spouse's definition!

4. Learn, Grow, Improve

There is a wealth of fantastic marriage encouragement out there these days, and electronic devices give you convenient, on-the-go access to them.

• Bookmark your favorite marriage blogs in your phone or tablet (I hope Journey to Surrender is among them!).
• Sign up to receive a marriage newsletter or two that you find helpful. You can sign up for mine here.
• Get a Kindle or reader app and download a marriage book or two. Read one together with your spouse and talk about it.
• Take a marriage challenge or download a marriage devotional or prayer guide.

5. Remember

Many of us use our phones as a massive storage device.  With so many cloud-based storage solutions from the likes of Google, Apple and Microsoft, you have a real opportunity to keep a treasure trove of memories available to you wherever you go.

• Sit down with your spouse once in a while and look back through some photos of meaningful, fun, or silly events.
• Use your phone or tablet as a journal (though I know many prefer actual paper).
• Make a list on your phone of the things you love most about your spouse (really, do this!). Read them every day. Share one occasionally with your spouse.

6. When You Are Apart

Both Jenni and I travel quite a bit, much of it international. We find electronic communications especially helpful in keeping us connected when we are worlds apart.

• Send emails to each other when our time zones don't line up. It's great to wake up to a letter from my darling wife.
• Text, what's app, or use messenger more diligently, even more when we are traveling.
• It's especially nice when we can Skype or Facetime and actually get to see each other. Not quite as good as being there but close.

Do any of you have other ways you use technology to benefit your marriage? I'd love to hear your ideas! Leave a comment.

If time is the currency of relationships, is your marriage rich or poor?

Nothing can refresh the climate of your marriage more than spending time together.
My wife and I just spent a week in northern California together visiting our daughter and my wife's sister. Even though we were visiting with family, we purposefully arranged a few days of couple time for just the two of us. Coming in advance of a season of business travel ahead for me, it was wonderfully refreshing to have that whole week together plus those few days alone.

We are returning as I write this, feeling closer for the time we've been able to spend together.

I wrote last month about how there are great reasons to Intentionally Create Significant Memories together.  I understand that not everyone can take an extended trip like we just enjoyed. We are greatly appreciating the freedom these empty nest years are affording us!
But time together doesn't have to mean big trips.

A Daily Dose of Togetherness

In truth, I actually think that time together every day spent in genuine connection is even more important in sustaining your marriage than monumental trips you take every once in a great while.

It can be hard to prioritize one-on-one time on a daily basis. Life can be crazy busy, especially when there are young kids in the house. I get that. Even as empty-nesters, my wife and I still have to work hard to maintain our connection on a daily basis. As I've said before, it is really easy to put your marriage on auto-pilot.

Autopilot is easy. It's also dangerous.

What About Me-Time?

When life is crazy and stressful, I understand the pull of just wanting a little "me time."  If you have young kids, when the little ones are finally down for the night, it's natural to want to vegetate with the TV or a good book. Time together can seem like another demand - another thing on your overwhelming list. Same goes for when you work a demanding job that tends to suck the life out of you.

But, as important as taking care of yourself is, it's also necessary to sacrifice some of your "me time" for the sake of keeping your marriage strong. Don't think of your marriage as something on your to do list. You and your spouse are one. There is nothing else on your to do list that you can say that about.

Time is the currency of relationships, and when you neglect time together it will leave your marriage feeling deprived and depleted. On the other hand, if you prioritize keeping your marriage strong by staying intimately connected to your spouse, it will actually energize you to do the rest of your life!

Learn to Say No

Chronic busyness has become epidemic. We tend to load up every minute in a frantic attempt to "do it all," and we leave no margin. Further, we often don't leave room for the most important relationship we have: the one with our spouse.

Somehow we think "He/She loves me, he'll/she'll understand how things are. We will find time later." The problem is that later doesn't usually happen either, because we get stuck in our crazy-busy habit.

Don't relegate your marriage to leftovers. Truthfully, there isn't usually anything left over after you are done pouring yourself into all that you have signed yourself up for (or allowed other to sign you up for).

Bob Goff (author of "Love Does") quits something every Thursday. I love that idea. Maybe weekly is a bit extreme, but what if we regularly examined our lives in order to prune away the excess activities we've accumulated that don't line up with our piroirites?

What can you quit this week? What are you spending your time and energy on that God has not called you to? What are you willing to cut back on for the sake of improving the climate in your marriage through regular time together?

Do you have any tips on how you manage to get regular time together with your spouse? Share you thoughts in a comment. 

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If you identify with the problem of living with no margin in your crazy-busy life, here is a great book: Margin, by Richard Swenson,

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives
Paperback
Kindle

(aff link)

There is no better way to experience date night oneness than through sexual intimacy.

I'm wrapping up my Date Night series today with a post about the ultimate expression of marital intimacy. That's right, we're talking about date night sex.

The whole reason I've taken a month to encourage you to improve your date night habits this year is so that your marriage will experience deeper intimacy. Regular, dedicated and focused one-on-one time is essential if you are going to grow closer together as a couple.

Since closeness is what we are after, there is no better way to experience it than through sexual intimacy. It's the ultimate expression of marital oneness.

Who Has Date Night Nooky?

Surprisingly, couples who took my Date Night Survey reported that sex was part of date night less than half the time. More surprisingly, men and women reported the same overall percentage of sexual activity (the Grand Total in the chart below). This stands in stark contrast the results of my Sexual Satisfaction Survey, in which the men generally reported having a lot less sex than the women.
But here is one area where husbands and wives did differ significantly. For men, the less frequently the couple had dates, the lower percentage of those dates included sexual activity. For wives who went on dates once a month or more, the opposite was true. For example, for couples who had weekly dates, men reported that 60% of their dates included sex, whereas for wives sex happened only 43% of the time. Those who dated once per month, wives reported that 63% of their dates included sex, but for husbands it was only 45%.

Perhaps its just a statistical anomaly, But if you can explain that disconnect I'd love to hear your theory!

Learn to Be More Intentional

I don't think that every date needs to include sexual activity. However, I would suggest that you and your spouse be intentional about including physical intimacy much of the time.

Why?

Well, I would ask, why not? Seriously. Unless there is a reason not to, try to make a sexual connection part of most date nights (or date mornings).

How can you make a sexual connection more likely?

For the low-drive spouse (typically but not always the wife), date-night nooky starts in your mind. Instead of dreading the possibility, embrace the idea of an unmatched intimate connection with your spouse. Think of it as a way to bless your spouse with the gift of your body. No one wants begrudging charity sex - your spouse will certainly know. Spend some time in advance of date night thinking positive sexual thoughts and preparing yourself mentally for a wonderful encounter. You might even want to mention to your spouse how you are looking forward to making love in a text, note, or phone call.

For the high-drive spouse (typically but not always the husband), focus your thoughts on the non-sexual connection you'll be making with your spouse during the date. Don't make the mistake of thinking date night is simply a way to get sex! Your spouse will know and likely be offended. For improving your connection during the date, consider getting a copy of my brand new Intimate Connections workbook and using one or more of the pages to spark some intimacy-building conversations.

I hope you've found the date night series helpful and an encouragement for you to make 2016 a year where you do a better job of dating each other more consistently and creatively. I plan to revisit this topic from time to time with date-night ideas and maybe a few reports on some of our own date nights. We might even have a date night contest at some point.

If you've found the series helpful in some way or if it has spurred you to be more proactive in dating your spouse, please let me know with a comment.

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Check out the earlier posts in the Date Night Series:

1. Read why date night is so important go read my first post in this series. Why You Need to Keep (or Start) Dating in 2016
2. For some ideas on how to plan date nights and what most couples do (and want to do more), check out my second post. Making the Most of Date Night
3. My third post explains how home dates can be a great way to overcome common date night obstacles: Overcoming Date Night Obstacles with Home Dates

Leading your wife spiritually is not as hard as you might think.

It's been a while since I've written a Men-Only-Monday post. As the moniker implies, these posts are intended for husbands. Wives, come back Wednesday for your side of the equation on this topic.

Are you among the many men who feel unqualified to lead their wives and family spiritually? Do you feel like your wife has more knowledge, more insight, and more sensitivity concerning spiritual matters? If you are like most men, you aren't going to attempt things you don't feel you can excel at, which means that you might hold back from even trying to be the spiritual head of your family.

You don't need a theology degree or years of biblical study to spiritually lead your wife. Don't disqualify yourself for this important role that God has assigned you to. The way the Bible describes spiritual headship, as with other dimensions of headship, has nothing to do with being the "spiritual boss" or being in any way spiritually superior to your wife. It doesn't mean you need years of spiritual wisdom under your belt before you start leading.

Leading your wife spiritually is not nearly as hard as you might think it is. For the most part, it just means consistently pointing your wife to Jesus and inviting his covering over your family.

If the idea of spiritual leadership is new to you, here are three simple, easy ways to begin stepping into your God-ordained role.

1. Pray

Maybe you aren't that comfortable praying out loud in front of others, maybe even with your wife. If that's the case, just ask your wife what you can pray for her about. A simple "How can I pray for you today?" text message will work great! Then do actually pray for her and let her know you did. Even this simple little step will bless her more than you know.

If you can muster your prayer courage, I would urge you to actually pray together. Prayer builds spiritual intimacy like few other things can. If that seems too difficult for you, start just by praying together silently. Maybe conclude with the Lord's prayer, if spontaneous prayer doesn't come easily for you. You can also pray the "Apostolic prayers" right out of the Bible . A few examples are Ephesians 1:17-23, Ephesians 3:16-21, Colossians 1:9-14, Philippians 1:9-11, Romans 15:13. These are great prayers for when you don't know what to pray.

2. Read, Learn & Share

Pick a book on a spiritual topic that interests you. It doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it is something that speaks life to you or challenges you in some way. Devotional books can be good, because they tend to be short easily digestible. I'll admit that I've never been a regular devotional reader, because I prefer books that drill a little deeper into a topic, but that's just me.

I also encourage you to read the Bible regularly. If you don't know where to start, you might consider a topical Study Bible. If you are looking for a life-giving translation, I suggest the Passion Translation Series. If you are new to Bible study, start off with the Gospels. If you feel you have a hard time understanding what you read in the Bible, pray for revelation and understanding. The Bible says the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth (John 16:13), and He is eager to do it (Luke 11:11). Just ask.

A few times a week, as you come upon something that gives you a new insight or seems helpful to you, or when the Lord gives you a particular revelation, share it with your wife.

Your wife will feel safe and protected when she knows you are pressing into a deeper understanding of God. This is one dimension of God's instruction to husbands to wash your wife with the water of the word (Ephesians 5:26).

3. Invite Her In

As I said, headship does not imply superiority. I describe the relationship between husband and wife as described in the Bible as an ordered partnership, where husband and wife are of equal value but willingly take on different roles to support and honor each other.

Good leaders invite the full participation of those they lead and encourage them to employ all of their talents and capabilities. So invite your wife into partnership with you as together you discover God's heart and plans for your marriage and your family. Lean on her spiritual discernment and sensitivity to the things of the Spirit. Invite her to bring her spiritual gifting to your partnership.

Intimacy comes from being fully known and knowing you are completely loved. Spiritual intimacy is no exception. Be real, honest and willing to be vulnerable with your wife about your life in God. Invite her to do the same. It's not a competition to see who is more spiritual. It's about encouraging each other to walk in your God-given destinies and to grow in the knowledge of who God is. 

If you are the stronger one, spiritually, never use your position to browbeat or speak harsh judgment to your wife. Rather, speak grace and truth and encourage her toward who God says she is.


Now it's your turn. What simple tips do you have for husbands who want to take a more active role in leading their wives spiritually? Leave a comment.

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If you are reading this by email or on a mobile device, please take a minute to participate in my new survey. "What Do You Want More of In Your Marriage?"

See below for your chance to win a free copy of Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk

Today I'm bringing back Friday Freebies! One Friday of every month I'll be giving away marriage-strengthening resources of some kind. To make sure you don't miss the future giveaways, you should sign up to get my posts by email. You'll also get my free bonus report, "What Husbands and Wives Need Most." Be sure to use the RaffleCopter tool below to let me know you signed up in order to receive points toward today's giveaway.

[Aff Link]

I had already read Keep Your Love On, written by Danny Silk, when the publisher contacted me offering a free review copy, but I enthusiastically jumped at the opportunity to share this fabulous book with my readers.

Keep Your Love On is one of the best relationship books I've ever read. Not only will it have a significant impact on your marriage, but many of the insights apply to other important relationships in your life as well.

Rather than trying to give you a complete overview of the book, allow me to whet your appetite by discussing one of the central themes of the book: how to be powerful in a relationship.

Are You Powerful?

What does it mean to be "powerful?" It's probably not what you think.

Danny Silk explains it this way, "If you heard someone described as a powerful person, you might assume he or she would be the loudest person in the room, the one telling everyone else what to do. But powerful does not mean dominating. In fact, a controlling, dominating person is the very opposite of a powerful person."

Being powerful is really about being strong in your own identity and not allowing others to negatively influence that by their behavior toward you. The only control truly powerful people exert is over themselves. Powerful people refuse to on take a victim mentality. They influence their environment rather than allowing their environment to control them. They respond rather than react.

Having this kind of power is what allows them to love others selflessly and unconditionally.

"A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says. When powerful people say, 'I love you,' there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. It is dependent on their powerful ability to say, 'Yes' and carry out that decision. This protects their love from external forces, or from being managed by other people. Powerful people can be who they say they are on a consistent basis. And because they know how to be themselves , they invite those around them to be themselves. Only powerful people can create a safe place to know and be known intimately."

Don't you want to have that kind of power in your own relationships? If you want to get there, you'll have to read the book, but I'll give you a peak at one of the keys:

"Repentance means to change the way you think. In order to repent from a life of powerlessness, you will need to identify the lies you believe and the influence those lies have in your life. Once you identify these lies, renounce them and break your agreement with them. Then ask the Holy Spirit to come and tell you the truth."

I hope you'll get this amazing book and read it cover to cover. It's packed with solid, biblical insights and tools that can help transform the atmosphere of your marriage relationship. If you purchase the book from Amazon using one of my affiliate links, you'll help support this ministry.

• Paperback version

• Kindle version

Either way, please read it, digest it, and then give your copy to someone else.


If you are interested in winning a paperback copy of the book, complete as many of the Rafflecopter credits below as you can. Contest closes Tuesday at midnight.

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Free intimacy building download, just in time for Valentine's Day!

That's right. I'm offering my popular 14-Day Intimacy Challenge for Husbands and Wives for free through Noisetrade. Thousands of couples have already downloaded these great eBooks and taken the challenge. Now is your chance. 

Get the Husbands Challenge Here.

Get the Wife's Challenge Here.

This is a limited time offer, so get them while you can!

Learn to Think, Act and Communicate in Ways That Cultivate Intimacy in Your Marriage!

What is the Intimacy Challenge?

If you aren’t satisfied with the intimacy level in your marriage (and I don’t think you ever should be), it’s time to challenge yourself to take a fresh approach. The Intimacy Challenge dares you to do things differently in order to get different results. By following each daily call to action you will begin to think, act and communicate in new ways that encourage intimacy to thrive.

Who should take the challenge?

For many couples, intimacy is an ever-elusive goal. Every couple wants more of it, though many can’t agree on what exactly it is. Few couples know how to get it, and even fewer actually attain it. If this describes your marriage, even a little, take this 14-day challenge and watch the intimacy level rise to new heights.

Why should I take the challenge?

Every couple will benefit from making intimacy a priority. The truth is there is always more intimacy available.

What real couples say

Here's what real couples have shared about their experience with The 14 Day Intimacy Challenge:

• "Thank you for the helpful tips and advice. It has really helped us grow closer together!"
• "Sometimes it is just the awareness that helps to make things work better, and you provided that for me."
• "Thank you for so many great ideas that stretched me out of my comfort zone!"
• "Thank you for your investment in marriage. Many need this type of encouragement and advice!"
• "Thank you for such a wonderful marriage building exercise!"

How to Give It

This challenge makes the perfect gift for Valentine's day.

Here's one suggestion for how to give it. Print out the cover and wrap it or put it in card. When your spouse opens it, explain that every day for the next two weeks you'll be taking the challenge, which is designed to build more intimacy in your marriage. Each day has something to think about, something to do, and something to ask. You could leave it at that, or explain further, as you wish.

Another way to give the challenge is to not say anything about it until the challenge is over, or unless your spouse begins to suspect that something is "different" and asks.

The third way to give it is to decide to do the challenge together and take turns with each day, spreading the challenge out to 28 days. (He does his Day 1, then she does her Day 1, etc.)

However you decide to give it, please do make this investment in your marriage. You'll be glad you did.

Feel free to drop back by and tell us how it went with a comment below.

Your spouse doesn't just want more sex, he or she wants more of you.

Don't forget to enter my Friday Freebie giveaway below and win a copy of Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman, a great book for couples. 

How much sex is enough sex? Who gets to decide? Is compromise the best strategy? Which matters more: quantity or quality? What constitutes a good sex life? What about the whole high drive/low drive thing?

These are all good and important questions when it comes to sexual satisfaction in marriage, and yet they only touch the surface of what it means to have a sexually satisfying marriage.

Sex Matters

Back when I started this Gift of Sex series, I explained why sex is so important to a strong, intimate marriage. If you still aren't convinced, go back and read it again. Bottom line: a marriage where either partner is sexually dissatisfied for a prolonged period is a marriage at risk.

Sex matters, because couples say it matters. In my recent poll on the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (Who Owns My Body?), 95% of men and 92% of women, agreed or agree strongly that "sex is essential to keep a marriage strong." That's 94% overall. Less than 3% overall disagreed. The other 3% were unsure.

Another startling result was the fact that 98% of men and 97% of women agreed (or strongly agreed) that "It is important for me to know that my spouse desires me sexually."

Sex really matters!

More of You

As can happen for any couple, a few years ago our sex life had become somewhat routine. Due to some physical issues Jenni was having, not only was it routine but also a bit clinical. Yes, we were having sex, but it wasn't passionate or spontaneous. Eventually Jenni picked up on my dissatisfaction. I admitted it was an issue, and I disclosed my desire for "more" to her.

Initially Jenni felt hurt, like I was saying she didn't satisfy me or excite me. She responded by withdrawing, saying that she wasn't what I wanted. It left me feeling sorry I had said anything. But then the Lord broke in and whispered to her, "It's not that you aren't what he wants; it's that he wants more of you."

She asked me if it was true and then, after I said "exactly," she chose to believe it. It's made a dramatic difference not only in our sex life, but in our ability to talk about it more openly, without condemnation or shame creeping in.

Couples whose sex life is less than satisfactory often argue over three kinds of "more:"

• More frequency
• More variety and less routine
• More active engagement from their partner

The three are certainly interrelated, but I'm going to look at them one at a time in subsequent posts.

We'll start next time with the most obvious one: frequency. So check back for some fascinating results on frequency from my recent survey. You won't want to miss The Gift of More Frequent or any of the other coming "more" posts. You can subscribe here to make sure you don't miss any posts.

Meanwhile, enter the giveaway below. If you leave a comment, please note it in RaffleCopter so it counts toward the giveaway. You can tweet about this post once per day for additional entries. Ends Monday at midnight, as usual. 

Whether you enter the giveaway or not, I highly recommend this weeks Friday Freebie as one of the best books on sex from a Christian perspective that I've read, and I've read a lot of books on the subject. It's comprehensive. It's frank. Yet it's written in a open and friendly style. If you buy through my links below on Amazon, you help support this ministry.

Click for Kindle Version or for Paperback Version.


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Christmas is coming! Here is your last minute gift help!

I'm interrupting my Gift of Sex series for this very important post!

I probably don't need to remind you that Christmas is only 9 days away. Sorry if that gives you sweaty palms. But not to worry. I'm here to help.

Before I offer the promised help, I would like to remind you (once again) that Christmas is NOT about gifts. Sure, if you are like me you probably enjoy the chance to bless your wife (or husband) with a nice gift. But don't lose your focus. Remind yourself that we are celebrating the ultimate gift.

The God of the Universe stepped out of the perfection of heaven and came to Earth as a man to win you and me as His eternal bride. Now that's a gift.

Now back to the main reason for this post.

Indeed, I've been watching out for you, studiously monitoring my inbox, Facebook, Twitter and blog reader feed for Christmas gift idea lists from marriage bloggers I follow and respect. I'm sure you can find a great gift idea for your spouse among these lists!

So relax and click away...


What to Get Your Husband:

Wife’s Gift Guide to Knock Your Hubby’s Socks Off! 2014 Edition from Kate of One Flesh Marriage

Gifts for Him from Lori, The Generous Wife

Romantic Gift Ideas for Him from The Romantic Vineyard

15 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Husband from Jennifer, The Unveiled Wife

Sexy Stocking Stuffers for Your Husband from Sheila of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

50 Gift Ideas for Him, Under $20 Each from Darlene at Time Warp Wife

10 Sexy, Manly Items for Your Hubby’s Christmas Stocking from J at Hot, Holy and Humorous


What to Get Your Wife:

Christmas Gift Guide to Wow Your Wife – 2014 Edition from Brad of One Flesh Marriage

What Does Your Wife Want for Christmas? From J at Hot, Holy and Humorous

Gifts for Her from Paul, the Generous Husband

Romantic Gift Ideas for Her from The Romantic Vineyard

The all-important What Not to Give Her For Christmas list from First Things First

Gift Ideas for Women from Jolene Engle

10 Creative Gifts That Cost Little or Nothing form Jerry Stumpf of Cracking the Marriage Code


More For Him or Her:

The One Flesh Marriage Gift Idea Archive from One Flesh Marriage

Christmas Gifts to Nurture the Soul from Sheila at To Love, Honor and Vacuum

For the wives of husbands who struggle with the whole gift thing: Giving Your Husband Gift Giving Help from The XY Code

How to Get the Perfect Present for Your Spouse from Simple Marriage

Top Marriage Book Picks from Hot, Holy and Humorous

From Journey to Surrender

Sign up for my Pathways monthly marriage newsletter and get a free copy of the updated and expanded Intimate Connections, Print out the 20 fun fill-in-the-blank intimate conversation starters and put them in a nice binder.

See my archive of Romantic Ideas. Dozens of romantic gift ideas for her and even some for him.

Do you  have a gift idea? Care to let us in on what you are giving your spouse this Christmas? Do you know of a good idea list that should be added to my list of lists? Bring it on! Comment!

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Win a copy of J. Parker's great new devotional for women: Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage. 

I thought Gift of Sex month would be a great time to bring back Friday Freebies by offering my own "gifts of sex."

This week I'm happy to give away a copy of a great new devotional book by J. Parker of Hot Holy and Humorous fame (Thanks to J for making this available to my readers!)

If you aren't familiar with J's blog, and you should be, she writes about sex from a Christian perspective, with both wit and sensitivity, something that isn't all that easy to pull off. Her new book, however, filled with 52 weekly biblically-based devotions, is a bit more on the "serious" side - and that's a good thing in this context.

Although each weekly devotion is short and easy to read in just a few minutes, there is plenty to chew on. Each devotion starts with a scripture passage, then J. shares her reflections on what it means for our sexual relationship with our spouse. There are also a few thought-provoking questions, followed by a related prayer.

If you want a taste of the content check out her post, What Does a Sex Devotion Look Like?, where J shares one of the devotions that didn't make the cut of 52 that are in the book.

This is a fantastic resource. I love the idea of taking the Bible into the bedroom. After all, sex was God's idea in the first place. There is no reason to separate the spiritual from the sexual.  It's all spiritual!

Below you'll find the details of giveaway, including the opportunity to take my newest poll on sexual satisfaction in marriage. Of course you can also take the poll without entering the contest at this link.

Give your marriage the gift of a better, more spiritually aware sex life. I highly recommend you get J's book for yourself or a friend. (You can get it through my Amazon affiliate link and support this ministry by clicking on the book at top of his post, or by clicking these links for Kindle or paperback.)

Hurry and enter!  Contest only runs until 11:59 PM Monday!

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Giveaway Details: a Rafflecopter giveaway

It's Freebie Friday!! See the end of this post for details!

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Guest Post by Sara Horn


Every marriage is different. But there are many similarities too. That’s why I sometimes have to smile when I’m talking with a wife who’s heard about my biblical submission experiment when I sent a year intentionally studying and living out what the Bible says about submission and applying it to my marriage.

I smile because there’s usually one of two common responses. The first wife will usually raise her eyebrows, physically step back (just in case this submission thing is catching) and say something like, “Well, that’s good for you but I could never do that.”

The second wife will also raise her eyebrows, but then she will step in closer and whisper (just in case anyone might hear), “Tell me more. I’m not sure I can do it, but I would really like to try.”

A Transformed Mind

I relate to both of those women. This summer, my husband Cliff and I will celebrate 16 years of life together. For the large majority of that time, I wanted nothing to do with “that submission thing.” Those verses in the New Testament where Paul talks about wives submitting to their husbands – some seriously out of date ideas, right? As an independent, strong woman, I had no desire to be a second fiddle, even to someone as caring and sweet as my Cliff.

We were partners, we did life 50/50, there was no need for this Follow the Leader marriage stuff. Besides, Cliff and I both recognized how different our personalities were – mine, Type A, his, Type B. God gave me leadership abilities so didn’t that also include my marriage?

These were the kind of thoughts I lived by until just a few years ago, when God really started to pull me deeper into not just reading His Word, but studying His Word. No longer was I just skimming – I hungrily wanted to apply it. I deeply desired to do what Romans 12:2 talks about – I didn’t want to conform to what the world says is right, but I flat out wanted to see my life transformed by God renewing, or changing, my mind to think His thoughts instead of being content with just my own. To see His plan over mine. To follow through with His will instead of giving into my choices and my wants. My marriage seemed to be where He wanted to start first.

After going through a year of applying some of the principles we find in Proverbs 31, and learning some life-changing lessons that changed my marriage and our family life in powerful ways, I knew it was time to face that word I’d ignored for so long.

Submission

Ephesians 5:22 reads, “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord…” I like how the Message translation words it – “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.”

Of course, this isn’t easy. This isn’t a natural action for most of us – to put someone else first, or to consider his or her feelings or thoughts before our own. Not consistently. Not constantly. Maybe if we’re having a good day. Until we’re not.

Culture doesn’t help. To someone who doesn’t have a relationship with the Lord, or view the Bible as an authority, this concept sounds ridiculous. Even in our churches, we hesitate to bring the subject up – this isn’t exactly the topic of discussion most want to bring up in your small groups on Sunday mornings. Even pastors who are brave enough to preach about it from the pulpit can spend weeks afterwards recovering from the emails, letters and angry conversations their congregants or parishioners corner them with in the halls between services. How chauvinistic. How anti-woman. Right?

But biblical submission is talked about in the Bible and I believe that all Scripture is inspired by God and can be used, as 2 Timothy 3:16-17 points out, to teach us and correct us and inspire us for righteousness. So surely, there’s a lesson, an important truth we need to know and put into practice when it comes to biblical submission.

The Experiment

That’s what led me to the “experiment.” I call it an experiment because that word seems a little less permanent. What I found during that year were some pretty amazing changes in my life and ultimately in my marriage, and the biggest surprise of all were the changes that occurred in my husband –and not just in me.

Early on during that year, I realized my husband had questions and uncertainties about his role as a husband and a dad just as I did with being a wife and mom – I was just more vocal about it. (Yes, that’s the nice way of putting it.) Just like me, there were things he still needed to learn, but quite often, I made it all about me (except for the times I was pointing out what he wasn’t doing that I wished he would).

Some things needed to change if we were to apply biblical submission to our marriage. I began intentionally stepping back from always having the first opinion, or always being the first one to make a decision. I waited (not always an easy thing to do). I showed (most of the time) some patience as he might think over a decision we needed to make, and I resisted the urge to decide on my timetable instead of his. I asked more questions instead of rushing to decide something. I looked for ways to be a helper to him instead of a hounder – as in hounding him to do, say and be what I thought he should.

What I noticed after a little while of doing this is that we made better decisions together, and we were often more on the same page than not. We weren’t making decisions where one person had a very definite opinion (usually me) and the other person just went along (usually him). We talked more things out and came to common resolutions more often.

For his part, Cliff began actively leading our family more. He didn’t just leave things to me that he didn’t want to do. He also listened to my opinions more carefully, weighing them with his to make more informed and hopefully better decisions. I think he felt a lot more freedom to do that when I stepped back and wasn’t so eager to be the one to call the shots.

Love His Way

Biblical submission isn’t easy, but it’s also not impossible. It’s not an overnight event. First and foremost, it starts with a willingness to obey God. Romans 8:28 has been my life verse for many, many years and can also apply to marriage. “And we know, that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” When I show love towards my husband as an act of love towards my Heavenly Father, I know He works for my good. When I show love towards my husband the way God shows love towards me, I love His way.

If you’re a wife, struggling to figure out what biblical submission looks like, don’t start with your husband. Start with your submission to God first. And if you’re a husband, wishing your wife would be more submissive? Don’t start with your wife. Start with your own obedience to God. There is an incredibly strong connection between the two.

Sara Horn is a wife, a mom and the author of My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife, the sequel to My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife. She’s also the founder and president of Wives of Faith, a military wives ministry (wivesoffaith.org). Visit her at sarahorn.com, where you can subscribe to her blog and get a free download of her "30 Days to Love HIS Way" devotional.

(Click on the book to buy through my Amazon affiliate link and support this ministry)

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I'm giving away a copy of Sara's excellent book via Raffelcopter. There are a bunch of ways to increase your chance of being selected at random. Note that you can tweet about the giveaway once each day during the contest. If you win, you can choose either Kindle or paperback edition.

If you are reading this by email, you'll need to click on over to my blog to enter.

Win Sara Horn's Book

Sign up for my posts by email and get the Intimacy Challenge for free!

If you have never done my 14 Day Intimacy Challenge, this month would be a perfect time to do it. In fact, I suggest you give the challenge to your wife or husband as a gift for Valentine's Day.

In my last post I gave you some great ideas for romancing your spouse this Valentine's Day, and I promised one more idea that tops them all. Trust me, The 14 Day Challenge will do your marriage a lot more good than flowers or candy ever could! 

Take the Challenge, Give the Challenge

How can you give the challenge as a gift? Well, it starts by signing up to get my posts by email. In return you get the download links to both the husband's and the wife's edition of the 14 Day Intimacy Challenge e-book.

Download the challenge and print out the cover page. Put the cover page in an envelope and give it to your husband or wife on Valentine's Day. You can explain as much or as little about the challenge as you wish.

Then, for the next fourteen days, which conveniently fits into the remaining days in February, do the daily challenge. The challenge for each day has three parts: Think, Do, and Ask. Each day is designed to get you to think, act and speak in ways the build the physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy in your marriage.

Here is what a few who have taken the challenge have said:

Thank you for such a wonderful marriage building exercise!

Thank you for the helpful tips and advice. It has really helped us grow closer together!

Thank you for your investment in marriage. Many need this type of encouragement and advice!

Whether you give/take the challenge as a gift or not, sign up today to get my posts by email using the form on the side bar.

(Note: if you are reading this by email and are already a subscriber, simply send me an email reply and let me know whether you want the husband's or wife's challenge and I'll send it to you right away.)

An Alternate Challenge

As an alternative to (or in addition to) my 14-Day Intimacy Challenge, marriage blogging friends Brad and Kate Aldrich of One Flesh Marriage are running their annual 10 Day Sex Challenge during the days leading up to Valentine's Day. It's a great way to put sex on the front burner of your marriage. Hurry up and get on board. It start February 4th!

Here are Brad and Kate in a video that gives ten reasons you should take the sex challenge:

Direct YouTube link

Understanding is a powerful force for deep and abiding intimacy.

As I was writing my last post, Changing Seasons, I was reminded of the important distinction between knowledge and understanding.

Knowledge is information. It can be cold and unemotional. You can have knowledge and remain detached from the subject.

Understanding takes knowledge to another level of engagement. It means empathy. It means putting your heart into the matter in order to get to the heart of the matter.

It's easy to settle for knowledge when understanding is called for. I think men are especially prone to this, though by no means are they exclusively guilty of it. We want facts and data. We want to asses the information in order to find a solution. To us, understanding is an unnecessary distraction from the "real" issue.

Don't Settle for Information

Marriage isn't supposed to work that way. In marriage, the "real" issue is connection - always. And connection requires understanding.

Marriage is about engagement and intimacy. It's about two being one in all dimensions of life. That means not settling for information, but digging deeper into something until you gain understanding.

For example, in my last post, I suggested you ask the question, "What do you need from me in this season?" In response you are likely to get something like a bullet list of needs: closeness, extra time, more sexual intimacy, etc. That's information, and it's helpful, but it leaves a lot of things unanswered.

If you follow up with, "And what would that look like to you?" then you have a better chance of actually understanding what your spouse needs.

Closeness might look like  exchanging texts during the day or  praying together each night or regularly spending twenty minutes together after dinner. Extra time might mean some alone time to decompress after work, having a day to pursue a neglected hobby or a night out with the guys or with girlfriends. If more sexual intimacy is important, figure out if that means twice a week or twice a day. Is it really about quality or quantity? Where is the need, exactly?

Gaining Understanding Through Awareness

My wife and I recently went through a class called Couple Communication that some friends of ours led. It was outstanding, and I strongly recommend the program (see info below), regardless of how well you think you already communicate as a couple. We learned a lot.

There was a lot to this course and I can't begin to convey all of it here, but one aspect I particularly liked was something they call the "Awareness Wheel." I love how it gets us to consider all sides of an issue in order to truly gain understanding:

• Sensory Data - verbal and non-verbal information such as actions, gestures, sights, sounds, smells, gestures, posture, silence. Sensor data gives context and details that might otherwise be overlooked.
• Thoughts - What are you thinking? It includes ideas, assumptions, objections, biases, consequences, opinions, values and impressions.
• Emotions - Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust and surprise, with many subtle variations of these. One very interesting thing we learned is how often we mistakenly construe thoughts as emotions. When we say, "That makes me feel... rejected, respected, pressured, important, threatened or unappreciated..." these are actually thoughts not emotions.
• Wants - desires and intentions for you or for others. These include hopes, longings, objectives, goals or aspirations. Wants is one area where it often requires a bit of digging to get sufficient detail to be actionable. A good chance to ask "what would that look like."
• Actions - past (what you did - accomplishments, activities, failures), present (what you are doing - recommendations and requests) and future (what you will do - declarations, plans, promises).

This kind of complete communication takes time and attention, but it is well worth it, especially when you are discussing emotionally intense or important topics or where there has been a history of mis-communication.


The Heart of the Matter is the Heart

The difference between knowledge and understanding comes down engaging your hearts. It's requires you to desire the best for your spouse and to get to the bottom of what you need to know in order to do that.

The motivation for understanding is love. If you love your spouse, do all in your power to understand him or her.

Do you have some tips for our readers on how you go about gaining understanding or being understood in your own marriage? Are there questions you ask or techniques you use that have proven helpful? Let us know with a comment.

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I would encourage you to find a Couple Communication program near you by clicking on the link.

2016 Update: Intimate Connections now available in hardcopy!  Details Below.

Face it, a lot of husbands aren’t that great at conversation, much less deep and meaningful conversation.

That’s a problem for building intimacy in a marriage, because as I define it, intimacy comes from being fully known, yet completely loved. 

It’s the being known part that is hardest for most couples. It’s so hard to be “naked” without shame, isn’t? (If  you haven’t seen what I’ve written on this topic see this post.) We tend to hide our innermost feelings because we fear being judged for them.

Men are especially guilty of this (I know because I am one).  And in truth, a lot of the emotional disconnect with couples is because a lot of husbands just aren’t comfortable baring their souls.

So What’s a Couple To Do?

How can you build emotional intimacy when the husband isn’t that great at sharing his feelings or engaging in intimate conversations?

I’ve got a workbook called Intimate Connections. The idea for this came about from something I did for our 20 year anniversary (more than ten years ago now!).

It’s filled with great fill-in-the-blank conversation starters like “20 Places We’d Like to See,” “20 Ways Our Marriage is Great,” “20 Ways to Explore Each Other’s Bodies.” and “20 Dream Dates We Want to Have.”  Some of them you fill out together, others you fill out separately and compare notes.
Maybe you could incorporate a few of these questions into your Valentine’s Day plans. Order now and select expedited shipping at checkout to get it before February 14th.

Do you have some other questions that could be asked of the two of you to spark some intimate conversation?  I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!

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Our culture would say that sex is no big deal. Not true! Sex is hugely significant to your marriage.

This is the third part of my look into the damage that some prevailing cultural norms can do to your marriage. (See my earlier posts on Entitlement  and Equality/Fairness).

Let’s examine a few of the sexual myths that get widely propagated:


Sure, sex is a physical act, but the truth is that sex is also inherently spiritual. It is more than a mingling of two bodies, it also involves the joining your soul and your spirit with your spouse. When you ignore or downplay this deeper level of sexual connection, you also limit the fruit you can enjoy from your sex life.


Our self-centered society would tell you that is all about you: your pleasure, your convenience, your desire and your satisfaction.  In truth, sex is a gift that you give to your spouse for the benefit of your marriage. Yes you benefit from it too, but when you view sex from a selfless viewpoint, it makes it so much more intimate and powerful. If you believe what the Bible says about sex, then you believe that your body actually belongs to your spouse and that it is designed for his or her pleasure.


Sex is the one thing that makes your marriage relationship unique from all the other relationships in your life. It is NOT optional. Statistics vary, but somewhere around 15% of all marriages are sexless today. That is tragic. For many more, sex is relegated to a low priority. Do you frequently postpone sex until you have more time and more energy? Maybe you should look at your priorities and remember that sex is the glue that holds your marriage together. Don’t forget the glue!


This is not actually a cultural message. Rather, it is the church’s widespread overreaction to the many ways in which society at large has corrupted what God design to be sacred and holy. Sex is powerful; therefore sex is also dangerous. But that is no reason for us to ignore it, be ashamed of it, or shun it from discussion in our churches. In fact the power of sex is the very reason we should reclaim it for the Kingdom! Sex is good! Sex is God's!

Have any of these cultural myths about sex negatively influenced your marriage? What have you done to combat them?

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For some more counter-cultural perspectives on sex and some great common sense sex advice, get Sheila Gregoire’s fabulous new e-book, 31 Days of Great Sex today!
(aff link)

If you have adopted children or are planning to adopt some day, I want to encourage you to attend Hope at  Home 2012, being held in Atlanta October 5-6.  This is a very different kind of adoption conference focused on equipping and refreshing parents in their calling to adopt or provide foster care.

Importantly, the conference includes encouragement for marriages as well, a somewhat unique emphasis among adoption conferences. We know that adopting and foster care can create some tremendous strain on marriages, and our belief is that a keeping your marriage strong is the best thing you can do for your children, adopted or not.  My wife and I, as well as Brad and Kate Aldrich from One Flesh Marriage will be speaking into marriages during the conference.

You can get more information on the many excellent breakout sessions here, and you can register or get more details about the conference here.

Please pass the information along to any adoptive families in your life!!

I spent the last two posts (here and here) talking about the highlights of what’s been going on here in the last year. Overall it was a great year: I learned a lot, deepened relationships in the blogging community, and grew my readership by about five fold.

I feel like I've really settled into this whole blogging thing and have discovered that I love it!

Today I want to spend looking forward. I want to talk about my plans for the coming year and ask you for some help.


If you read my Hot Topics of 2011 post, you know that my relatively few posts that dealt directly with sex and with specific romantic ideas were among the most popular posts from last year.

So you can expect to see quite a bit more on both of these topics this year.


One of the things that really burns on my heart is reaching more church leaders with the message of the Bridal Paradigm and the power of Surrendered Marriage. But more than just getting more pastors and church leaders to read my blog, I want to equip them with helpful tools that make it easier for them to strengthen the marriages in their churches. Research is clear that those who place a high importance on faith have stronger, more enduring marriages than those who do not, but I want to see the marriages in the church so obviously amazing, strong, happy and successful that people flock to the church (and ultimately to God) to see what it’s all about.

The other group I want to reach more is the young married crowd. Somewhere around 70% of my readers have been married more than ten years. And while I greatly appreciate the longevity that represents and the wisdom that comes from experience, I have a heart to see more young couples embracing what the Bible says about marriage instead of what the culture says about marriage or what the culture says the Bible says about it.


In line with both of these reach-broadening goals, I am putting the finishing touches on the second edition of a 12-week marriage curriculum that I’ll be test-driving in another small group in my own church. I used the first edition last year in a small group that had couples married between about 5 and 25 years, but I'm hoping for more young-marrieds will sign up this time. My hope is to recruit heavily among the recent influx we’ve had of younger married couples. Once the small group cycle ends, I’ll be polishing off the materials over the summer for the third edition and packaging it up to provide to others. If I can possibly find the time, there may even be a companion ebook to go along with it. All very exciting stuff!!

You can probably look for some excerpts from the curriculum and/or the ebook here later this year.


In trying to get an understanding of the needs of my readers, I’ve been taking a fresh look at the results of my New Ready Survey. It’s clear that many of you are looking for some more practical, how-to advice for your marriage (82% express a strong interest). While I intend to continue my “Paradigm in Practice” feature,  I plan to also start offering a few simple, practical tips at the end of many posts.

The same percentage (also 82% strong interest) are looking for how to grow in intimacy. I think more sex and romance posts, as I mentioned above, will help to answer that need, but I also plan to address this topic more specifically. I wrote so much on intimacy in 2010 that last year I kind of backed off from the topic. This important issue probably needs more attention, along with some more practical, “what do I do to build intimacy” tips.

Help Me Out Here!

What have I missed? What topics do you feel are too often neglected by the marriage blogging community, by marriage books or by the church at large? Leave a comment with your suggestions as to what you’d like to read more of here. I welcome the feedback!!

I’m just getting back into the swing of things after a marvelous extended family vacation over the holidays. I have a few other posts in the queue, but I decided to kick the year off by looking back over 2011 and looking ahead to 2012 over the course of the next few posts.

I've been recognized recently by a couple of marriage blog lists, but by far the greatest honor I had during 2011 was in deepening friendships with several terrific marriage bloggers whom I greatly respect.  This includes the chance I had to meet several of them in person.

I’m hoping for even more of the same in 2012.

Lori Byerly, who runs the cornerstone marriage blog “The Generous Wife,” recently named my blog as a 2011 Grow Your Marriage Award recipient.

The award was under the category “For Making Us All Think."  Lori describes this category as follows, "These folks regular turn out challenging, thought provoking posts (and I know how much work goes into something like that), kudos."

If you don't already follow Lori's daily tips on how to be a generous wife, I really hope you'll go check out her blog and subscribe.

Sheila Gregoire, who writes at www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com, put up a list of her Top Fifty Marriage Quotes for 2011. I was honored to get two mentions in her list:

Marriage is meant to be more about your surrender than about your satisfaction.

From my post, “Concluding Thoughts on Sexual Surrender,“ the wind-up post in my sexual surrender series.

As husbands, I think one reason we have some trouble with Paul’s command to love our wives “as Christ loved the church,” is that we don’t really fully know how Christ loves the church.

From my post “What Kind of Love is This?” my recent post that retells the Christmas story as a love story from heaven's perspective.

Be sure to check out Sheila's blog, which is on my own do-not-miss list. And watch for her new book coming out soon, "Girl's Guide to Great Sex."

I greatly appreciate the recognition by Lori and Sheila. I'm honored to be counted among some terrific blogging company on both of these lists.  I encourage you to go check them all out.

You may have noticed that the title of today’s post is also the tag line of my blog. I’m excited to share with you today a guest post by Lori Lowe, a fellow marriage blogger at Marriage Gems and author of the book First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage, which comes out tomorrow.

In what follows, Lori shares about a real-life couple from her new book who wholeheartedly embraced a counter-cultural approach to their lives, and consequently to their marriage.

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Guest post by Lori D. Lowe

One of the couples I interviewed for my book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss, are people I have known for ten years. In fact, they helped inspire me to write the book, because they are such a strong role model for a loving, sacrificial marriage. While the other couples featured in the book live all across the country, the Johnstons happen to live next door to me and have been married more than 30 years.

I didn’t know some of the deeper aspects of their marriage until I sat down to interview both of them. In my book I share many of the secrets to their marital success. First, they chose a counter-cultural lifestyle, which is to say they don’t let the dominant culture define their values. Their Christian faith is primary in their lives. And their values include not allowing materialism to define or control their lives.

Many of us will say we aren’t materialistic, but we love to shop every weekend. We would love to get new furniture, a nicer car, or a bigger house. Maybe we even save up so we can spend on these big-ticket items as often as we can. When we earn more, we are excited to spend more. The Johnstons, on the other hand, committed early in their marriage to be satisfied with what they had and to earmark extra earnings for charity rather than for increasing their lifestyle level.

One of the reasons they did this is they were involved in mission work in other countries. They met people who were exceedingly happy despite their extreme levels of poverty, and they understood that joy does not come from things. Instead, they find joy from being generous and sacrificial to others.

Over time, they also learned how to take this sacrificial mindset that is modeled by Jesus and be more giving and sacrificial to one another. They learned to give in more, instead of insisting on being right. They make daily efforts to please one another, and work to ensure the other is fulfilled. For example, Phil is a physician but makes time to be in a symphonic choir, and Margaret is a retired teacher who receives fulfillment in the garden and in volunteer work. They encourage others in their faith lives and marriages. They work to improve their communication.

And they have found the more they give of themselves, the more their cups are filled back up. They call this the paradox of giving, the fact that we get more by giving more. Happiness research has shown that volunteering and generosity add to our happiness, so they aren’t the only ones to discover this concept.

The lesson they teach through their personal story is that love is sacrificial, and that we need to create a cycle of giving (inside and outside of our families). Christians understand the ultimate example of sacrifice, but it can be difficult to live counter to our culture, which tells us we should give in order to get. Our culture, particularly in America, tells us that freedom and the pursuit of happiness are the highest ideals. Love is often presented in our culture as a romantic notion where we are expected to be constantly happy. How do you define your own values? How do you choose to live them out?

The good news is that living a life of sacrifice and love is not demeaning or sad. It’s ultimately the most joyful and rewarding of choices. Deep down we all want to love and to be loved. Placing your spouse’s needs above yours can be difficult sometimes, but often that act of love pays you tremendous dividends in your marital happiness.

Of course this blog, Journey to Surrender, is all about this mission, as you know if you are a regular reader. I’m sure Scott’s continued insights will help us learn more about how to keep moving in the right direction.


Lori Lowe is a journalist, GenXer, and child of divorce. Her book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage will be released Dec. 8th on Amazon.com and in various e-book formats at LoriDLowe.com. Couples featured in the book experienced many challenges, including infertility, stranger rape, child loss, infidelity, drug addiction, unsupportive families, faith differences, military separation, life-threatening illness, raising a special-needs child, financial crises and much more. You can also connect with Lori at www.Facebook.com/LastingBliss or on Twitter @LoriLowe.