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Thursday, October 13, 2011
I’ve often said that you have to consider what the Bible says about marriage as a series of truths in tension. Many biblical truths, not just those concerning marriage, when considered in isolation from other truths, can result in a distorted perspective or an unhealthy imbalance. The tension is critically important.

To gain a thorough understanding of Surrendered Marriage you have to keep multiple facets of surrender held in tension. I’m embarking today on a series of “truth in tension” posts about the topic of surrender as it applies to marriage.

Can You Live With Tension?

As a Christ-follower, I have learned to become increasingly okay living with tension (not the headache-inducing-stress kind, but the things-are-not-so-black-and-white kind). The more I discover about God, the more I discover that He is full of mystery. Sometimes I feel like the deeper I go with Him, the more there is to know. Even the foundational Christian belief that God is one but also three (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is a marvelously mind-bending and mysterious truth in tension. It’s everywhere.

Yep, life in the Kingdom is a life full of truths in tension. Jesus himself was a walking truth in tension. He was fully God, yet he was also fully man. He possessed all the power of the universe, yet he humbled himself and surrendered himself to be put to death by those who hated him. He was truly all-powerful, yet he was unwaveringly all-good. He was completely holy, but he associated with prostitutes and all kinds of “despised” people.

Surrendered Marriage - Many Mysteries

In order to take your marriage to deepest level, I think you have to be willing to embrace a certain amount of mystery. Yes, mystery can be messy. If you are the kind of person who likes their truth neatly packaged, wrapped up plainly in the clean lines of black and white, let me encourage you to step back and take another look. Peer into the gray. Look for the mystery.

When it comes to growing your marriage, you may have to be willing to temper what you think you know about it with some things you never considered. You may have to hold up your current set of marriage truths against another, polar opposite, seemingly incongruent set of truths.

For example, maybe you believe the biblical notion that a husband is given authority from God to lead his marriage and home. But have you also considered the truth that being a leader has nothing to do with being the boss but has to do with self-sacrifice and laying down your life?

Maybe you believe in the importance of selfless love and sacrificial giving in your marriage. Do you realize it’s okay for you to be selfless yet also have and express your own needs?

The Bible says that in marriage two become one.  But do you also realize that oneness does not mean you give up your identity or that you stop being who you are?

Maybe you understand that the Bible says a wife should live in submission to her husband. But do you know that a biblically submitted wife can still be strong, use her gifts fully and totally thrive in a rightly ordered marriage? Do you know it’s actually the husband’s job to help make that happen?

Stay Tuned, Join In

I’ve got a whole bag full of Surrendered Marriage truths in tension like these to examine more deeply as part of this series.

Part of my purpose is to challenge your assumptions and presumptions when it comes to marriage. I hope to stretch you a little. I hope to make you think.

Embrace the mystery. Jump into the tension.  And I truly hope you’ll jump into the conversation.

Do you have some truth-tension type questions you’d like to see addressed here?

Are there mysteries about marriage that you’d like to see examined more closely?

Are there some things I’ve written in past blog posts that you think need to be counterbalanced by another truth?


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