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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Our culture would say that sex is no big deal. Not true! Sex is hugely significant to your marriage.

This is the third part of my look into the damage that some prevailing cultural norms can do to your marriage. (See my earlier posts on Entitlement  and Equality/Fairness).

Let’s examine a few of the sexual myths that get widely propagated:

Sex is only physical

Sure, sex is a physical act, but the truth is that sex is also inherently spiritual. It is more than a mingling of two bodies, it also involves the joining your soul and your spirit with your spouse. When you ignore or downplay this deeper level of sexual connection, you also limit the fruit you can enjoy from your sex life.

Sex is for me

Our self-centered society would tell you that is all about you: your pleasure, your convenience, your desire and your satisfaction.  In truth, sex is a gift that you give to your spouse for the benefit of your marriage. Yes you benefit from it too, but when you view sex from a selfless viewpoint, it makes it so much more intimate and powerful. If you believe what the Bible says about sex, then you believe that your body actually belongs to your spouse and that it is designed for his or her pleasure.

Sex is optional

Sex is the one thing that makes your marriage relationship unique from all the other relationships in your life. It is NOT optional. Statistics vary, but somewhere around 15% of all marriages are sexless today. That is tragic. For many more, sex is relegated to a low priority. Do you frequently postpone sex until you have more time and more energy? Maybe you should look at your priorities and remember that sex is the glue that holds your marriage together. Don’t forget the glue!

Sex is bad

This is not actually a cultural message. Rather, it is the church’s widespread overreaction to the many ways in which society at large has corrupted what God design to be sacred and holy. Sex is powerful; therefore sex is also dangerous. But that is no reason for us to ignore it, be ashamed of it, or shun it from discussion in our churches. In fact the power of sex is the very reason we should reclaim it for the Kingdom! Sex is good! Sex is God's!

Have any of these cultural myths about sex negatively influenced your marriage? What have you done to combat them?



For some more counter-cultural perspectives on sex and some great common sense sex advice, get Sheila Gregoire’s fabulous new e-book, 31 Days of Great Sex today!
(aff link)
31 Days to Great Sex

8 comments:

Strong Man said...

Right on. Sex, for a Christian believer--and for most other religions--is the one thing that makes marriage unique and different from all other relationships. If you don't have that, you might as well not be married--call it what it is--a business partnership, or working agreement, or good friendship.

On the sex is a gift concept: Sometimes men struggle with always trying to give their wife what she wants in this arena. Which, if pursued too diligently, can lead to very little sex--or at least far too little for his needs. In reality, I've come to understand that part of his gift to her is his drive to have sex with her. He generally has the vast majority of the testosterone in the relationship, and he can actually bless her and give by being honest and even quite persistent in pursuing her.

Jay Dee - Sex Within Marriage said...

I think another myth is "You can't talk about sex". We'd have so many fewer problems if spouses would be open with each other about what they want, what they need, what feels good, what doesn't, expectations and feelings about sex, and so much more.

People need to start talking more about sex, and then having great sex based on those conversations.

J said...

GREAT insight here! I have about 20 other myths I've heard out there, including stupid stuff like "Porn can help your marriage" (NOPE, harms it) and "Sex becomes boring with the same person over and over" (NOPE, you can get better with time and experience!)

upwithmarriage said...

This was awesome Scott - AMEN's all over the place!

Pearl said...

Marrieds should 'outgive' each other in the bedroom, too.... Another myth is that rekindling lost sexual passion is nearly impossible. No, with Christ nothing is impossible. There's always HOPE for restoration. It just takes an open heart, a little research and a dedication to follow through. GR8 series, Scott!

Scott said...

Thanks, all, for the additional cultural sex myths. Great observations!

Tony DiLorenzo | ONE Extraordinary Marriage said...

Scott, all of your points are spot on. Well done. I would say that one myth I hear constantly from husband and wives is that porn is OK in their marriage.

I shared my 18 year addiction with porn, http://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/007-pornography-a-secret-that-can-destroy-your-marriage, so that couples can truly understand the damage it has in a marriage.

Thanks again for this great post.

becominghiseve said...

Sex is bad is something I always thought when I was growing up in the Church. It took nearly a year of my husband's loving encouragement and patience, connecting with godly experienced women of the faith, prayer, and doing research online where I stumbled across several Christian blogs to understand that sex is actually a wonderful, amazing, pleasurable, passionate, good, godly, and powerful thing - and it's critical to the survival of any marriage.

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