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Friday, December 19, 2014
Your spouse doesn't just want more sex, he or she wants more of you.
How much sex is enough sex? Who gets to decide? Is compromise the best strategy? Which matters more: quantity or quality? What constitutes a good sex life? What about the whole high drive/low drive thing?
These are all good and important questions when it comes to sexual satisfaction in marriage, and yet they only touch the surface of what it means to have a sexually satisfying marriage.
Back when I started this Gift of Sex series, I explained why sex is so important to a strong, intimate marriage. If you still aren't convinced, go back and read it again. Bottom line: a marriage where either partner is sexually dissatisfied for a prolonged period is a marriage at risk.
Sex matters, because couples say it matters. In my recent poll on the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (Who Owns My Body?), 95% of men and 92% of women, agreed or agree strongly that "sex is essential to keep a marriage strong." That's 94% overall. Less than 3% overall disagreed. The other 3% were unsure.
Another startling result was the fact that 98% of men and 97% of women agreed (or strongly agreed) that "It is important for me to know that my spouse desires me sexually."
Sex really matters!
More of You
As can happen for any couple, a few years ago our sex life had become somewhat routine. Due to some physical issues Jenni was having, not only was it routine but also a bit clinical. Yes, we were having sex, but it wasn't passionate or spontaneous. Eventually Jenni picked up on my dissatisfaction. I admitted it was an issue, and I disclosed my desire for "more" to her.
Initially Jenni felt hurt, like I was saying she didn't satisfy me or excite me. She responded by withdrawing, saying that she wasn't what I wanted. It left me feeling sorry I had said anything. But then the Lord broke in and whispered to her, "It's not that you aren't what he wants; it's that he wants more of you."
She asked me if it was true and then, after I said "exactly," she chose to believe it. It's made a dramatic difference not only in our sex life, but in our ability to talk about it more openly, without condemnation or shame creeping in.
Couples whose sex life is less than satisfactory often argue over three kinds of "more:"
- More frequency
- More variety and less routine
- More active engagement from their partner
We'll start next time with the most obvious one: frequency. So check back for some fascinating results on frequency from my recent survey. You won't want to miss The Gift of More Frequent or any of the other coming "more" posts. You can subscribe here to make sure you don't miss any posts.
Meanwhile, enter the giveaway below. If you leave a comment, please note it in RaffleCopter so it counts toward the giveaway. You can tweet about this post once per day for additional entries. Ends Monday at midnight, as usual.
Whether you enter the giveaway or not, I highly recommend this weeks Friday Freebie as one of the best books on sex from a Christian perspective that I've read, and I've read a lot of books on the subject. It's comprehensive. It's frank. Yet it's written in a open and friendly style. If you buy through my links below on Amazon, you help support this ministry.
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