Journey to Surrender

Today I'm starting a new feature called Friday Favorites. On most Fridays I'll be going back in time and revisiting some of my most-viewed older posts. If you are new around here, you'll definitely want to check them out.

Today's Friday Favorite post is an all time top 25 post about kissing, 10 Ways to Change Up Your Kissing Routine. I've also mashed it together with parts of this post: Why a Kiss is Not Just A Kiss.

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If "a kiss is just a kiss" then you are doing it wrong.

To me, a kiss is:

• An intimate physical expression of the oneness you share
• A publicly acceptable way of showing affection for your spouse
• Eliminates emotional space between your by eliminating physical space
• As close as you can get to each other without actually having sex
• A great way to keep your physical relationship on simmer
• A cheap, fat-free, sugar-free, guilt-free treat. It can, however, be habit forming

Science Daily claims that a University of Albany study "found sex differences in the importance and type of kissing. Males tended to kiss as a means to an end -- to gain sexual favors or to reconcile. In contrast, females kiss to establish and monitor the status of their relationship, and to assess and periodically update the level of commitment on the part of a partner."

Ten ways to change up your kissing routine

1) Kiss across a crowded room - Some enchanted evening, catch your spouse's eye across a room full of people. Smile, pucker your lips make a kissing gesture toward him or her.  It tells your partner that you are thinking of them and loving them despite the crush of humanity between you.

2) Nibble Kiss - Add a little variety by nibbling or gently biting your spouse's lower lip after a more tender kiss.

3) French Kiss - A famously promoted but seldom mastered kiss where your tongues dance together. The trick here is to go slowly and not simply thrust your tongue wildly (that's fine for later, after things heat up). Tease his or her lips with the tip of your tongue. Probe gently and wait for a response before taking things up a notch.

4) Possessive Kiss - Catch your lover off guard by transforming a simple short kiss into a hot, deeply sensual kiss. Wrap your arms around him or her, hold them tightly and kiss like you mean it! This sends the message "you are mine!"

5) Earlobe Kiss - Not  everyone likes their ears messed with, but those who do would love to have their earlobes nibbled gently. Whisper a sweet nothing while your are there. Careful though, loud smacking kisses near the ear can really hurt!

6) Cold Kiss - Use and ice cube or mint to cool your mouth before you kiss. It provides an interesting sensation. If your partner is game it can be very sensual to pass it between you with your tongue while you kiss.

7) Nuzzling Kiss - When things are heating up, leave a trail of gentle kisses down one side of your partner's neck and back up the other side. You'll be sure to send tingles through his or her body.

8) Show and Tell Kiss - Ask your partner to describe his or her favorite kiss, and then try to deliver it.

9) Upside-Down Kiss - Catch your partner laying down and approach him or her with your head opposite theirs for an interesting kissing sensation.

10) Almost Kiss - Bring your lips close together and see how long you can go without actually touching.

Take a Kissing Challenge

Kissing Challenge #1 - Makeout Session

See if you can spend ten minutes in a good old fashioned make-out session. Can you make it the full ten minutes with only kissing, nothing more? What you do after the ten minutes is up is totally up to you!

Kissing Challenge #2 - A Kiss to Remember All Day

When your husband/wife leaves for work today (or some other opportune time) give him/her a kiss he’ll/she'll remember all day. Make it at least 10 or 15 seconds. Wrap your arms tightly around him/her and press your bodies together. Your goal should be to see if you can make your spouse dizzy. Later in the day, call, text or email them to say that you have another kiss like that waiting for when they arrive home. Make sure you follow up and give that second kiss.

Are you a kissing couple? Do you need to improve your kissing game? Do you have a favorite kiss? Kiss and tell, it's okay! Leave a comment.

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In case you missed it from my last post, I've got a special 25% off introductory sale going on for my fun, new workbook, "Intimate Connections for Couples." Special ends on Valentines Day, so hurry!

There is no better way to experience date night oneness than through sexual intimacy.

I'm wrapping up my Date Night series today with a post about the ultimate expression of marital intimacy. That's right, we're talking about date night sex.

The whole reason I've taken a month to encourage you to improve your date night habits this year is so that your marriage will experience deeper intimacy. Regular, dedicated and focused one-on-one time is essential if you are going to grow closer together as a couple.

Since closeness is what we are after, there is no better way to experience it than through sexual intimacy. It's the ultimate expression of marital oneness.

Who Has Date Night Nooky?

Surprisingly, couples who took my Date Night Survey reported that sex was part of date night less than half the time. More surprisingly, men and women reported the same overall percentage of sexual activity (the Grand Total in the chart below). This stands in stark contrast the results of my Sexual Satisfaction Survey, in which the men generally reported having a lot less sex than the women.
But here is one area where husbands and wives did differ significantly. For men, the less frequently the couple had dates, the lower percentage of those dates included sexual activity. For wives who went on dates once a month or more, the opposite was true. For example, for couples who had weekly dates, men reported that 60% of their dates included sex, whereas for wives sex happened only 43% of the time. Those who dated once per month, wives reported that 63% of their dates included sex, but for husbands it was only 45%.

Perhaps its just a statistical anomaly, But if you can explain that disconnect I'd love to hear your theory!

Learn to Be More Intentional

I don't think that every date needs to include sexual activity. However, I would suggest that you and your spouse be intentional about including physical intimacy much of the time.

Why?

Well, I would ask, why not? Seriously. Unless there is a reason not to, try to make a sexual connection part of most date nights (or date mornings).

How can you make a sexual connection more likely?

For the low-drive spouse (typically but not always the wife), date-night nooky starts in your mind. Instead of dreading the possibility, embrace the idea of an unmatched intimate connection with your spouse. Think of it as a way to bless your spouse with the gift of your body. No one wants begrudging charity sex - your spouse will certainly know. Spend some time in advance of date night thinking positive sexual thoughts and preparing yourself mentally for a wonderful encounter. You might even want to mention to your spouse how you are looking forward to making love in a text, note, or phone call.

For the high-drive spouse (typically but not always the husband), focus your thoughts on the non-sexual connection you'll be making with your spouse during the date. Don't make the mistake of thinking date night is simply a way to get sex! Your spouse will know and likely be offended. For improving your connection during the date, consider getting a copy of my brand new Intimate Connections workbook and using one or more of the pages to spark some intimacy-building conversations.

I hope you've found the date night series helpful and an encouragement for you to make 2016 a year where you do a better job of dating each other more consistently and creatively. I plan to revisit this topic from time to time with date-night ideas and maybe a few reports on some of our own date nights. We might even have a date night contest at some point.

If you've found the series helpful in some way or if it has spurred you to be more proactive in dating your spouse, please let me know with a comment.

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Check out the earlier posts in the Date Night Series:

1. Read why date night is so important go read my first post in this series. Why You Need to Keep (or Start) Dating in 2016
2. For some ideas on how to plan date nights and what most couples do (and want to do more), check out my second post. Making the Most of Date Night
3. My third post explains how home dates can be a great way to overcome common date night obstacles: Overcoming Date Night Obstacles with Home Dates