Journey to Surrender

I’m long overdue in bringing to your attention another great marriage blog that I’ve been reading almost since I started blogging. I am speaking of Tom and Debi Walters and their blog The Romantic Vineyard, a “Top Ten 2010 Marriage Blog.”

Jenni and I were blessed to share dinner with Tom and Debi last night. They are in the Atlanta area doing grandparent duty to provide for a getaway opportunity for their daughter and son-in-law. Sadly, we were so busy sharing our stories and hearts that we neglected to capture the event with a photo, so I can only share the photo from their website.

Tom and Debi share a common devotion to encouraging and building marriages from a biblical perspective. Even though Jenni and I haven’t yet hit the completely empty nest or grandparent stage yet, it’s great to observe another couple past the 30 year mark (which we will hit next summer) who still obviously love and care for each other deeply.

I often find myself reading the stuff at The Romantic Vineyard and silently nodding to myself, “They really get it!” Besides being kindred spirits in the Christian marriage blog space, what I find so delightful about The Romantic Vineyard is the sense of absolute genuineness in what they write. They freely share their both their triumphs and foibles, but always in a way that points to truth and hope.

In addition they also provide some great practical help through a few of their regular features. Regular “Happy Hour”  posts point us to other notable marriage blogs, including some Journey to Surrender posts. They often include great romantic and creative date ideas, both some specific “Mark Your Calendar” events in their native Orlando area and many that are more generally applicable. Their “Water into Wine”  series offers insights from the book of Proverbs. There are a bunch of tabs to different vineyard-themed resources on the website too, such as "The Tasting Room," which links to a bunch of marriage related books.  There are also separate tabs for husbands and wives full of great tips. 

I've added The Romantic Vineyard to my blog roll, so you can follow what Debi and Tom are posting about from here, but you’ll definitely want to bookmark, subscribe by email or put The Romantic Vineyard in your RSS feed. You can follow them on twitter at @TheRomanticVine and check out their Facebook page

Thanks to Tom and Debi for a wonderful night of fellowship and food, and, of course, wine.

As I mentioned in my last post, my wife and I spoke recently at the Hope at Home 2011 Conference for adoptive parents. During the conference, as I sat and listened to my pastor describe the significant power our words have to impact our children, I couldn’t help but consider the parallel truths for marriage.

So with a nod of thanks to our pastor, Greg Haswell, I’m going to shamelessly steal from what he said and apply it to marriage.

Words Have Power

Debi from The Romantic Vineyard left a comment on my previous post “When You Have Nothing Left” about the importance of speaking truth out loud in order to encourage and build up your partner.

Truth gains power when spoken out loud. I don’t really know why that is, but I have certainly found it to be true for me. Prayers spoken out loud seem to increase my faith as compared to prayers thought silently. Reading a verse of scripture out loud allows the truth of it to penetrate more deeply than simply reading. When I sing along to a favorite worship song it lends agreement to the praises being offered, which re-orients my being toward God. Don’t believe me? Try it!

The fact is that what you say out loud has power…

• To Give Life or cause death – when you speak God’s truth to your spouse, it gives them life. When you speak falsehood or half-truth you speak death.
• To Direct – what you say creates momentum in one direction or another. Consider before you speak whether what you are about to say will move your marriage forward or backward.
• To Define – the things you say to your husband or wife will impact the way they see themselves. You want to speak things that are in agreement with who God says they are, understanding that their behavior isn’t always going to line up 100% with that.
• To Create – When you speak truth into the life of your spouse, you can help to call forth the things which are not yet, but which can be. God created the universe not by thinking or imagining it, but by speaking it into being.

Giving Life with Your Words

Here are a few tips for how to be a life-giver when it comes to how you speak to your spouse:

• Be Consistent – Do your best not to give mixed messages. Remember that it takes seven positive statements to every negative one just to stay even.
• Be Constant –. Develop life-word habits. Commit to complimenting your spouse every day, but be genuine. And never get beyond confessing your love out loud to one another.
• Be Deliberate – You have to be purposeful about speaking truth and life. It’s easy to let your conversations drift only to the functional and mundane.
• Be An Eavesdropper – Pray for wisdom and revelation of what heaven is saying about your spouse, about your circumstances and about your marriage. Agree with that. Out loud.
• Be A Treasure Hunter – We generally don’t have to work very hard to find negative stuff, but that isn’t what we want to agree with. Look for the good stuff, and amplify that with your words.

What you say out loud makes a huge difference in the atmosphere of your marriage and your home.

Consider how what you’ve been saying lately has been influencing the atmosphere in your marriage, and think about what you might do to shift your words more toward truth and life.