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Tuesday, September 14, 2010
A guest-post on Marriage Gems by Dr. Scott Haltzman, which stated that “we all married the wrong person,” must have struck quite a nerve. She got over 400 comments and 40,000 hits in just a few days. Coincidentally, I also received an email newsletter from Family Life along the same theme, with a challenge to couples in the form of a quote from Zig Ziglar:
I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know that if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.

All this got me thinking about the theological question of whether the plan of God for our lives includes a specific spouse, i.e. “the one.”

I have no formal theological training upon which to draw. It seems to me that this is a rather complex question that brings in all kinds of issues like the transcendence and omniscience of God as well as predestination and other questions. Heady stuff, indeed!

No Easy Answers

For me, I could argue it either way or more accurately, neither way. If you decide that there is a single “the one” mate, hand-picked for you by God, then it kind of turns marriage into a pass/fail test of sorts. If you pick “the one” God intended, you live life happily ever after. But if not, well, then not so much - too bad for you. That doesn’t seem to be the kind of God I know.

However, on the other end of the spectrum, you have to decide that marriage is just a crap shoot, and maybe God doesn’t really care. That doesn’t sit right with me either. I mean, he knows the numbers of hairs on my head, after all.

All I know is that I feel blessed by God to have Jenni as my wife. It certainly feels to me as if our match was a hand-picked gift of God, even though I can’t make a theological argument for it. From our first magical kiss I knew there was something about Jenni that made her “right” for me. I just knew. I can’t explain it, but here we are almost 33 years later and I still feel the same way. No, it hasn’t always been easy – we’ve had ups and downs as any married couple does. But for me, I have no doubt that she is “The One.”

So, I’m not really satisfied with either a yes or no answer to the title question. What about you? Do you believe that there is such a thing as “The One?”

P.S.  You may have noticed I missed yesterday’s “Man Up Monday” post. Due to a heavy writing investment for our small group and an otherwise busy season of life right now, I will likely be posting a little less often. So, for the time being “Man Up Monday” will become an occasional series rather than a weekly feature.


Debi - The Romantic Vineyard said...

I happen to believe that God is sovereign and leads us in the choices we make. My experience proves my point. I was dating a guy for two years, certain we would get married. However, he came to me one day saying he thought we should take a break to make sure we were the right one. As a result, we never got back together. I met my future husband three months later and we were married within a year. I can't explain how I knew Tom was the one for me, esp. after being so sure the first guy was the one for me for two years. But with Tom there was something different. I believed God spoke to me to trust him in that Tom was His choice. After 32 years together, I still am amazed at how God orchestrated the events of that year to lead me to the perfect one for me.

I think it's important for us to constantly be praying "thy kingdom come, thy will be done", and trust Him to lead us daily. My faith and trust in Him have continued to grow through the years, which fuels our passion to help other marriages grow in the same way.

I agree - Lori really stirred up a hornet's nest, and God obviously wants us to consider the biblical answer to these "heady" questions.

I'm so glad to have found your website. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Blessing to you and your wife!

Scott said...

Hi Debi, thanks so much for your comment. I agree with you about always staying purposefully yielded to the Lord, especially when it comes to huge decisions like marriage.

We serve a good God and he always has our best in mind, so why not follow his leading?!?

Glad you came by to visit and please do stop by often. Your comments are always welcome.


Jenni said...

Hi Honey!
Great post! I feel certain we were made for each other!
I remember before we got married, I suddenly panicked and asked my Mom if she thought you were "THE ONE" for me. She said, "When you marry him, he becomes THE ONE." She said that she thinks she could have married someone other than my Dad and that God would have blessed that union, even though I know my parents are deeply in love after over 50 years.
I believe that when we gave our lives to Jesus, we gave Him permission to guide and lead us to each other. We asked Him to show us if our union was His will and I believe it has been! This is a great comfort when things are tough. I have no regrets nor do I question if it was the right choice.
I sure do love you!

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