NEW! Intimate Connections

Take Our Current Survey

Three Things Survey

Answer a quick question about what you would like to have more of in your marriage

Popular Series

Click the arrow to show/hide series

Search Journey to Surrender

Blog Archive

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Maybe it is a bit stereotypical to say that men don’t like to ask for directions. I admit it, the stereotype fits me pretty well. It’s stupid really, when I think about it, the way I’ll drive around in circles, fuming mad, when I have difficulty finding a destination. Why don’t I stop and ask for directions?

What is it that keeps men from wanting to ask for directions? Is it pride? Is it fear of looking weak and inept?

I’ve been thinking about why it is that there aren’t more men showing up in the comments of the marriage blogs I read, even though many are written by men. The same is true for this blog. I don’t get a lot of comments, but it is mostly women who post comments here. (Side note: the reader survey showed that 45% of my readers are male, however) I suppose there are statistics that show how women are more engaged in the blogosphere, something about their social nature or whatever.

But I wonder.  Is it that men are as uncomfortable asking for marital directions as they are when driving around town?

I am almost certain that for all of the couples who are participating in our marriage small group at church it was the wife’s idea to join. Why is that? I mean, I admit it, if I weren’t leading the thing, I probably would not run to sign up for it myself. But why is that so?

I don’t think I should draw too many significant conclusions about the lack of a male presence in the marriage blogosphere. But I would like to use the opportunity to encourage husbands to ask themselves this question:

Are you genuinely open to receiving martial directions?

More to the point, ask yourself if maybe you are in a little denial about whether or not you could use some help, encouragement, fresh ideas or renewed focus on your wife and your marriage? With this Man-Up Monday post, I’m encouraging my male readers to challenge themselves again not to become complacent. There is always more available to you than what you are walking in right now with your wife. More passion. More intimacy. More trust. More openness and freedom. More sex (yeah, now I have your attention). Get engaged for the sake of your wife and marriage.

Let me put this in the way of a challenge:

Set it in your mind to LEARN something new about marriage every week.  Even better, set it in your mind to DO something to improve YOUR marriage every week.

As part of that I’d also ask you to also consider getting engaged and involved in the conversations here at Journey to Surrender. I think you could lend some much needed additional perspective from the trenches of real marriages.

Note:  Due to a technical glitch, this Man Up Monday post is coming out on a Wednesday.  And no, it isn't because I got lost and refused to ask for directions...


Anonymous said...

Yes, men are probably less inclined to open up, even anonymously! However, in my case I feel I am the one that is prepared to make the effort to improve things and my wife is more comfortable with leaving things as they are. I have the vision for how great things could be, but she is highly defensive about being encouraged in that direction.

Scott said...


It can be difficult when one person is more of a contented nature and therefore more complacent.

The desire for change can easily be interpreted as a personal rejection, even when that is not your intent. You might want to read my post from earlier today:

Maybe even think about sharing it with your wife?

Anonymous said...

Hi Scott,
I know I was complacent for the first part of our marriage partly due to the feeling that I was just fine, didn't need direction on how to be a husband, thought I knew it all, could never admit I was wrong about something. Wow, was I wrong. Worse yet, my lovely wife kept working on herself all those years but I didn't. Fortunately now I have had sort of an awakening, maybe it was the fact that I'm over 50 now and felt something terribly missing in my life, but that catapulted me into action (finally, guess I'm a really slow learner). Started by seeing a counselor, reading as much as I can find about being a better man and husband, and through prayer I feel that I'm on the right or at least better path. Your thoughts are an encouragement to me that I can make my life better. Thanks

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

We Have Moved!

Journey to Surrender
is now

Stay here if you want to search old content.

Click on over if you want to see the latest and greatest!

Connect With Us

Subscribe by email and never miss a post!

New subscribers will receive a free copy of my ebook :

How to Have a Succ-Sex-Full Marriage

My new Heaven Made Marriage Facebook page has lots of extra marriage-related stuff not found on my blog.

Follow Journey to Surrender on Twitter: @marriagejourney.

Subscribe via

Member of:
Christian Marriage Bloggers Association Members Badge

Contributing Writer: