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Sunday, March 20, 2011
Maybe you have heard this saying before.  I'm sure I've said it here in the past, maybe more than once.

It's a powerful scriptural principle that basically says we will tend to be shaped and transformed by whatever we fix our hearts and minds on.

One verse captures our spiritual transformation this way:
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Cor 3:18

As we fix our gaze upon Jesus, his glorious nature is revealed to our hearts. As we behold his infinite and unstoppable love, his everlasting faithfulness, his generous goodness, and on and on, as we see him as he really is we become more like him, which is the goal of Christian maturity and the very definition of intimacy with Jesus.

Not surprisingly, there are marital implications to this spiritual truth.

What are you beholding?

When it comes to your spouse and your marriage, what is it you have your heart and mind most “fixed upon?” More than you know, your answer to that question tells a lot about the direction your marriage is most likely headed.

Are you fixated on past hurts? Do you spend more time thinking about your spouse’s shortcomings than about their strengths? Are you absorbed by self, by your needs, be your desires, by what you are not getting?

Getting past the past

If you are dealing with issues of unforgiveness in your marriage, chances are these things are still causing problems in your marriage today and will continue to do so until they are dealt with.

I strongly encourage you to face reality and do something about any lingering unforgiveness with your spouse.  To start with you might want to check out these links:

Marriage counselor and author Emmerson Eggerichs, of “Love and Respect” fame, has an excellent six part series on forgiveness:
  1. Firgiveness and ending the “crazy cycle”
  2. Forgiveness and loss of fellowship
  3. How does one forgive?
  4. The importance of sympathizing.
  5. Letting go and letting God.
  6. The final step: anticipation

Author and blogger Sheila Wray in a YouTube video entitled “Forgetting what lies behind” explains the freedom and forgiveness we can find when we choose to focus God instead our past hurts and pains.

Releasing bitterness, resentment and pain to the Lord is not easy. But any other way keeps you trapped in the past. Fixation on past hurts keeps you ensnared in pain and resentment and prevents you from moving into intimacy and oneness with your spouse.

Is there stuff from the past in your marriage that has never been adequately dealt with? This is stuff that will likely poison your future until it is forgiven and healed. Deal with it today!

Next time: Learning to focus on the good stuff


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