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Thursday, March 7, 2013

The longer you are married, the more important it is to keep pursuing each other.

I didn’t make much headway in February with my “True Love” series, so I’m starting afresh in March with another attribute of Christ’s love for us: His relentless pursuit.

What does Jesus’ relentless pursuit look like?

It looks like him leaving the perfection of heaven and coming to earth, humbling himself  to take on our human form. As if that weren’t pursuit enough, he went on to be cruelly killed on our behalf in order to make a way for us to dwell with him in intimacy forever.

Now that’s what I call pursuit!

And He did all this “while we were yet sinners,” even knowing that some would reject Him completely.

Pursuit that Never Ends

As if that still weren’t enough, we have this promise from Scripture:
For He, God Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you nor let you down (relax My hold on you)!
Hebrews 13:5b (AMP)
I love how emphatic the Amplified version is about God’s relentless pursuit, His absolute determination to stay connected with us and to be faithful to us – no matter what.

God is a lover – it’s who He is. His love is relentless, eternal, and unstoppable.

That’s how he wants love to be in marriage.

Relentless Pursuit in Marriage

I know it may sound a little odd to say that you have to still pursue your spouse regardless of how long you’ve been married. But the truth is, the longer you’ve been married, the more important it is to keep pursuing each other.

It’s so easy for us to slip into a kind of comfortable familiarity over time, and we begin to take the wonderful gift of our marriage for granted. That’s a death sentence for marriages!

Why is pursuit important in marriage? As I shared before, pursuit communicates four very important messages to your husband or wife:
  1. Desire - Pursuit says “I want you.”
  2. Commitment – Pursuit says “I would choose you all over again.”
  3. Passion – Pursuit says “I want you bad enough to keep coming after you until I get you.”
  4. Pleasure – pursuit says “I find delight in you.”
Funny, don’t these things sound like God's pursuit of us too?

If you want to read some specific suggestion on how you can continually pursue your spouse, read the post “Endless Pursuit” mentioned above.

Or you could always ask your partner, “What things can I do to make you feel pursued?” They may or may not know how to put it into words. Pursuit is not a concept most of us give a lot of thought to, but we know it when we see it.

What have you done in the past few weeks to make your partner feel pursued? What does your spouse do that makes you feel pursued?  Share your stories and experiences with a comment!

Photo credit:  william87 /

PS  In case you missed it, I started this series with “True Love Puts Relationship Ahead of Rules.”


Anonymous said...

My hubby feels most actively loved when I pursue him through his stomach and/or his fly. Last weekend I made sure to divide mixed nuts for his lunch; added some dried fruit to it. He likes to have them as a snack at when he's at work.

Just this morning he asked me to take it easy today so that I wouldn't be tired tonight. He wanted to take me to the coffee shop to read to me and then when we got home he wants to give me a massage.

Scott said...

Robyn - I think your husband's two avenues of pursuit are pretty typical! And it sounds like you have a great night in store. Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Yes typical, but as I understand it - you husbands keep us wives guessing as to what the order of importance is!

Also, you were mentioned over at the blog, Do Not Disturb. I didn't see a link so I'm just letting you know.

heyrick said...

I've been asking my wife to "marry me" every day for the last 3 weeks... so far so good the response has yet to be negative; and the results extremely positive!

I've done it very occasionally for the last couple of years but it's changed things to do it daily - especially when having a rough day.

After nine children and 22 years of marriage nothing says I love you more than saying things like: "I would do it all over again to be with you"; or "If I met you now I would still want you/have the hots for you"

Anonymous said...

My husband is always thrilled when I initiate sex, and flirt with him like crazy hinting at sex later (with an intentional follow-through). We've been quite amorous lately. ;o)

I love it when he takes the time to listen to me, and to talk with me. We don't have deep 5-hour conversations every day but we try to be meaningful with what we say to one another. I also appreciate it when he plans a date night (which he did recently - an Incredibles themed date night) and when he brings home little surprises.

Unknown said...

I love reading this blog and I’m happy that you’ve returned with a great post this March. I especially like how you bring examples from the Bible to show us exactly how taking a page from Christ’s love can greatly improve our own love and marital experiences. I love your message about relentless pursuit and how we could apply it in our marriage. We need to keep reminding ourselves that marriages take some work, occasions of proactive reconnecting. Following the advice from Christ’s love and passion towards us improves our own lives. Of course even the best of us forget this from time to time which is why I really enjoy taking advice from this column. Please keep up the great work, I look forward to being a fan of your blog for years to come.
Save My Marriage

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