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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

[Wives Only Wednesday]

Learning to express appreciation to your husband will positively impact the passion level between you.

On Monday I told husbands about the power that being intentionally positive has to grow passion. Today I’m addressing wives with a slightly different take on the topic.

Daily Choices

The relationship between positivity and passion may not be all that obvious to you, so let me explain a little further.

As I said in my last post, it’s really about shifting the atmosphere in your marriage. Think about. If what you think on and speak about is mostly the problems and issues in your relationship with your husband, they will tend to be amplified and multiplied. But the same is true when you are able to shift your words and thoughts to the many good things about your man and your marriage.

Whatever you focus on grows. If you want to good stuff to grow, think and speak these things.

It largely comes down to a whole bunch of little daily decisions. You can choose either to amplify the positive or the negative as each issue/opportunity presents itself. You can also learn habits of thankfulness and gratitude.

Idealism or Realism

You might be reading this and thinking that I’m being too idealistic with such talk. You might be saying, “You don’t know my husband or my situations” or “The problems are too in my face to ignore.”

But I’m not saying you can or should ignore problems and hope they go away. No, not at all. What I’m saying is that if those are ALL you focus on, if they preoccupy your thoughts and dominate your conversations, it will poison the atmosphere and leave little space for the good things to see the light of day. Negativity kills passion. Period.

So acknowledge and deal with issues that matter, but don’t let them define your relationship. Your marriage is not defined by the problems you face. Your marriage is defined by the fact that you and your husband are one, even if you don’t feel like it, so you might as well enjoy the fruit of that oneness and let intimacy and passion that results be what defines your marriage. I believe it is possible.

Passion Pointers

Opinions vary, but I’ve heard it said that it takes doing something anywhere from 15-25 times before it becomes a habit. So if you can purposefully choose positivity a couple times a day, it will only take a week or two before you will begin to change your default actions and reactions. Do this, and watch the passion in your marriage begin to grow.

Here are a few ways to be purposefully positive with your husband:
  • Thank your husband for working so hard to support the family (assuming he is the primary bread winner). It’s easy to take this for granted, but it will mean a lot to him when you acknowledge it out loud. Chances are he feels tremendous financial pressure to provide.
  • Pay your husband a compliment about his physical appearance. We tend to think that this is primarily a female need, but your husband does want to know you are attracted to him. Truthfully the best way to communicate your attraction to him is to initiate sex. Words are helpful, but actions in this area matter more.
  • Send your husband a text to say you are thinking about something he did for you recently and specifically thank him for it. Tell him what it meant to you. Gratefulness will definitely cause him to want to do these kinds of things for you more in the future.
  • Is there something your husband does as a matter of routine that you have come to take for granted? It’s easy to do, especially if he’s been doing it all of your married life.  Stop and think, and then occasionally, when he does one of them, tell him you appreciate it. It will count double if you give him a slightly longer than usual kiss to go along with it.
Maybe I haven’t convinced you totally of the power that positivity has to help raise the passion level in your marriage. Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself.

For the next week or two, really listen to the words you speak and pay attention to the thoughts you think. Choose to turn them toward the many good things about your husband and your marriage. Come back and let us know how it affected the atmosphere between you and your husband.


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