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Monday, August 25, 2014
[Men Only Monday]
Spark passion by relentlessly pursuing your wife HER way.
From Discipline and Duty to Delight, that passion is a key ingredient to delighting in your wife. When passion runs deep in your marriage, it is a delight to give generously and to love and serve her.
But how do you raise the passion level in your marriage? It doesn't happen by default. It requires you to purposefully cultivate a more passionate atmosphere.
In this series I propose four ways to pump up the passion. Today I'm addressing husbands with Part 1: Pursuit.
(For the wives version, check back on Wednesday!)
What do you envision when you hear the term “passionate marriage?”
If you are a typical male, then you likely think of steamy sex and lots of it. And there’s nothing wrong with that! However, I want to push you to expand your thinking beyond the bedroom.
While it may be possible to have a passionate sex life while the rest of your marriage is in the doldrums, it’s a pretty unlikely combination. So if you want things to heat up in the bedroom, work to set the rest of your marriage on fire. Learn to cultivate passion in the entirety of your marriage.
Passion = Pursuit
You should never stop pursuing your wife. I mean never, even if you've been marriage 50 years. When you stop pursuing her, it sends your wife the message, "You are no longer the one I would choose."
How do you pursue your wife? Let me get this out of the way early: relentlessly pestering her for sex does not constitute pursuit, at least not for most wives.
Instead, pursue your wife her way. For many wives this means romancing her and wooing her with your love. For some of you it means going back to the kind of things you did when you were trying to win her heart. Maybe you need to bring back the things you used to do to show her your love, but have since let go of, as you allowed every day life to push out the passion.
Pursuit means being attentive to her and really listening to her. Engage and gain understanding of what she has to say.
Most importantly, learn what says "I love you" to your wife, and then go about doing those things on a regular basis.
Your wife wants to be pursued, to know she is worth your time and attention, the center of your affection, and yes, that she is desirable to you. Learn to be passionate and relentless in your pursuit of your wife.
As I said above, what matters most is what constitutes genuine pursuit to your wife. If you don't have a clue where to start, you could always ask her (I know, novel thought).
But in case you need a few ideas to get you headed in the right direction, I'll offer these:
- Write her a love letter (keep in mind the kind of letter SHE would like).
- Plan a romantic date. Take care of all the details like reservations and sitter.
- Surprise her with tickets to her favorite show or concert (even and especially if it isn't your favorite)
- Bring her a small gift out of the blue. Tell her it's for no reason other than that you love her and were thinking of her.
- Go for a walk. Hold her hand or put your arm around her. Really listen to her.
- Text her in the middle of the day just to make a connection. Ask her how she is doing. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you love her.
Remember these two truths about pursuit: 1) you must never stop doing it, and 2) it has to be done in a way that means pursuit to your wife.
How are you doing in the area of pursuit? Have you found what means pursuit to your wife? If there are any wives listening in, can you offer us husbands your thoughts on what makes you feel pursued? Leave a comment.
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