Journey to Surrender

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Power of Positive: Doing

8:00 AM | Posted by Scott | Edit Post

This is the last of a four part series on the transforming power of positivity. The series starts here.

Today we're talking about the actions that help create a positive atmosphere in your marriage.

Once you get the thinking and speaking parts of positivity down, your actions will tend to follow along without as much effort as it might otherwise be.

Still, I want to encourage you to be purposeful in the way you treat one another. Little, frequent acts of kindness and love are the best way to ensure that passion and intimacy thrive. Watch and learn the things that bless your spouse the most:

Periodically send a positive, loving or encouraging text or Facebook message, especially if you know your spouse is facing some stress during their day.
Pray together and/or let your spouse know you are praying for them and what you are praying.
Buy him or her their favorite treat the next time you are at the store “just because.”
Give your husband or wife a back rub or a foot massage (without expecting one in return).

Remember, it’s better to do lots of little things consistently than to only do “big” things occasionally.

I’ll conclude my thoughts on positive actions with this, also from my post on The Culture of Your Marriage:

A surrendered marriage is all about serving one another. When we have a culture of gladly serving and meeting our spouse’s needs, it makes the atmosphere satisfying, safe and enjoyable. The key here is “with gladness.” No one wants to be served reluctantly. Think about the last time you had a waiter that clearly did not enjoy waiting tables. Compare that experience to the last time you had one of those waiters that obviously loves what they do. It makes for an altogether different dining experience. Mediocre food with fantastic services is better than great food and an unpleasant waiter.

It's action time! I've offered a lot of suggestions on how you can infuse your marriage with positivity. Here are the links to the prior posts in the series:

There is a lot here, I know. So don’t try to tackle everything at once. You'll likely just flounder in frustration.

As you reflect on this series, pick one thing to do differently to be more positive in your marriage. For the next week, focus on being more consistent at that one thing, and watch how the atmosphere begins to shift.

Take the challenge. Let us know what one positive thing you are going to focus on this week. And come back in a week and tell us if you noticed any changes in the atmosphere of your marriage.

Labels: Marriage, Passion, Positivity, Watchfulness | 2 comments

Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Power of Positive: Speaking

8:00 AM | Posted by Scott | Edit Post

This is part three of a four part series on the transforming power of positivity. The series starts here.

Today we're talking about the transforming power of positive words.

You’ve probably heard it said that one negative statement carries the same emotional weight as seven positive ones. Whether the number is true or not, you can shift the atmosphere in your marriage with your words. Your words have the power to bring life and light into dark circumstances. Even when things are fine, what you say can create forward momentum in your marriage.

So make it a habit to speak ten positive, affirming and kind statements for every negative one. Better yet, go for 50-to-1! As we discussed in our marriage small group recently, watch the passion level in your marriage grow as a result. Remember that thinking it isn’t enough. You need to say it out loud.

Here are some tips for speaking positively from my post “The Power of Your Words.”

Be Consistent – Do your best not to give mixed messages. Remember that it takes a whole bunch of positive statements to every negative one just to stay even.The point is to get and stay WAY ahead.
Be Constant –. Develop life-word habits. Commit to complimenting your spouse every day, but be genuine. And never get beyond confessing your love out loud to one another.
Be Deliberate – You have to be purposeful about speaking truth and life. It’s easy to let your conversations drift only to the functional and mundane.
Be An Eavesdropper – Pray for wisdom and revelation of what heaven is saying about your spouse, about your circumstances and about your marriage. Agree with that. Out loud.
Be A Treasure Hunter – We generally don’t have to work very hard to find negative stuff, but that isn’t what we want to agree with. Look for the good stuff, and amplify that with your words.

When it comes to affecting the Culture of Your Marriage what you say matters greatly!

So be watchful over your words, your tone, and your body language when you communicate. The words matter, but so does how you express them.

Make it a habit to speak into the things you want to see rather than the things you see that you don’t like. Having a culture of honor means speaking respectfully at all times. It means freely expressing admiration for each other. It means each valuing the other for who God sees them to be.

Do you have some other tips on how you use words to create a positive atmosphere in your own marriage?

Next up: The Power of Positive: Doing