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Friday, May 4, 2012

During our marriage small group lesson on “Passion” last week, we had a great discussion about how important it is to be positive if you want to keep passion alive in your marriage. 

Positivity can have a huge impact on the atmosphere of your marriage!  It’s almost impossible for passion and intimacy to coexist with negativity. Think about it. Negative words, thoughts and actions are like pouring cold water on the flames of passion in your marriage. A barrage of negativity will also make intimacy difficult, whether you are talking about physical, emotional or spiritual intimacy. 

I think that sometimes we fail to see how significantly our negativity (or positivity) affects our spouse and the atmosphere of our marriage.

Over the course of the next three posts I’m going to cover ways in which you can infuse your marriage with a positive vibe that is completely infectious. Why not see if you can infect your spouse!?!

It’s Up To You!

The first thing to realize about being positive is that it is a choice. Before I talk specifically about thinking, speaking and doing positive things to affirm and strengthen your marriage, let's talk about the importance of being intentional and purposeful.

We all have lots of stuff that could drag us down into being negative; that’s just real life.  But we also have a choice how we react to our circumstances.  Maybe you’ve even fallen into the habit of blaming your spouse for the unhappiness in your life that is the cause of your negativity.  If you missed my post “Own Your Own Happiness,”   go read it.  And be sure to also watch the TED Talk  at the end on the power of positivity. 

Don’t make the mistake of waiting for “things” to get better before working on being positive.  Make the choice to think, speak and act in a positive manner and see how much better these “things” seem.

The power of positive is positively transformational!  Shiela Gregoire said the following in a a recent post, “What’s Your Attitude,” and it really resonated with me: 
Gratitude can transform a marriage. When we focus on what we’re angry with our husbands about, and all the things that they aren’t doing, then our marriage will be lousy. When we focus instead on what we love about our husbands, that is what we will tend to think about, and our attitudes will change.
Choosing to be positive is not about faking it.  It’s about being deliberate to focus on and amplify the good stuff and mute the bad.  There is truth in the adage “you become what you behold.” Whatever you focus on becomes a more significant part of you.  So why not focus on the good stuff? 

What about you?  Can you think of a time in your own marriage where a deliberate choice to be positive turned things around?

Next up:  Think Positive!


MB said...

Almost two years ago my husband told me he was "done" with our marriage. I immediately went to my knees and asked God to change ME. Proverbs 14:1 (and Ephesians 5:33) was a big part of my journey. This is about the power a WOMAN has to build up her house or tear it down. So I decided to stop shredding my house. One thing I started doing was whistling in the mornings! :). Instead of coming in to breakfast with grumblings about my night or my day ahead or complaints about what the children weren't doing to get ready for school, I whistled. The change in the whole family was palpable. It's like every day your family looks to you to see what kind of mood they "can" be in. You set the stage. A man probably has the same power. I know my husbands attitude affects me. I love when he's belting out a tune because that lets me know "we" are happy :). For me, it started purposefully. And some days it's still forced positivity. But overall, my family and my marriage were transformed by "positivity".

Anonymous said...

I have been positive in the face of the most devastating and hurtful aspects of repeated adultery...after 25 years of marriage I am just feeling dead inside. Is there a point when you should just "face the facts"? I have lost all interest in life, I don't want to do anything with anyone and I just want to be alone. This is not like me, people have called me the eternal optimist. I try to pray but my heart is just not in anything. What is wrong with me? My husband appears to be faithful now, he is reading his bible and he has always been a good father. He puts no priority on our relationship, talked up for months how we were going to do something big for our 25 year anniversary, but then planned nothing. I feel like a stranger living in my house. I have pushed through some of the hardest times in my life and continued to be positive about it, I don't understand why I feel this way now. People think we have such a great marriage. I feel paralyzed emotionally, It's just not in me to be postive anymore, so I just stay quiet. What is wrong with me?

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous .. there is nothing wrong with you !! The reason you feel so tired is because you are in a spiritual battle - trust me when I say you are fighting and don't even know it. I was in a repeated adulterous marriage and the first thing I did was consult God .. what do I do ?? Do I stay in the marriage or do I leave the marriage ?? Only God can give you this answer but you must seek Him wholeheartedly. I pray you are empowered to be the woman He created you to be, don't allow the marriage to take you off course with your purpose for His kingdom. Seek Him first .. not for your marriage but for who He is and the rest will follow - whether He says stay or go.

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