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Monday, January 28, 2013

A little more than two weeks to go. Do you have a plan?

You know what I'm talking about.

Are you one of those husbands who gets a mild panic attack when he thinks about Valentine’s Day? Or maybe you have decided V-Day is nothing more than a creation of crass commercialism, which you are not going to buy into. Perhaps you leave the romance department to your wife.

Whatever your stance, I’m going to challenge you to do something different this year.

I’m challenging you to man up and make a plan for Valentine’s Day.

A Plan Says I Care About You and Us

You want to hear a secret when it comes to romancing your wife? Lean in, let me whisper it to you, so your wife won’t overhear.  It almost doesn’t matter what you do. That’s right, as long as it is clear to her that you put a lot into it and that you are excited about it, she will love it. No kidding.

Here’s why. When you put forth effort to romance your wife she will receive it as you pursuing her. And your wife loves to be pursued.

Also, she will see it as you leading in your relationship’s emotional intimacy department. And your wife loves it when you lead.

Finally, taking the time and effort to plan something special tells her you care about her and her needs and that you care about your marriage. And your wife loves to feel cared for.

No More Excuses

So if I’m right about the fact that you almost cannot fail, you have no more excuse not to step up and make a plan. You’ve got time.

Still not sure where to begin? Here are four basic steps to point you in the right direction:
  1. Keep it secret - The element of surprise adds to the romantic effect
  2. Make it multi-faceted – your plan should involve more than simply presenting her with a gift. Make it something you can spread out over at least several hours or even all day. It could even be something to be played out over weeks or months in steps.
  3. Focus on her – one problem men have in planning romantic encounters is that they don’t separate sex and romance the way women do. What I’m saying is that your whole purpose should be to bring HER pleasure in the way SHE desires. Depending on your wife, that may or may not include overtly sexual expressions.
  4. Show your heart – this can be hard one for many men, who don’t typically major on feelings and expressing them. If you want to really bless your wife, get past your discomfort and pour out your feelings about her.
If you include these four basic elements to your plan, it will be a tremendous hit. I promise.

A Little Inspiration

Still needing a little guidance? Here are some examples of some successful romantic encounters that I have planned out and performed for my wife. I have shared these here in the past, but here are the links for easy reference.
  • Romantic Balloon Pop – A dozen surprises hidden inside a dozen balloons - great fun! 
  • 100 Things I Love About You – This is a great one, and you don’t need to make it 100 if that is too daunting!
  • Homemade Spa – A personally designed day of spoiling relaxation. Sure to be a hit! 
  • Surprise Getaway – Kidnap your wife for a romantic getaway. My wife's description of one of the many times I've done this for her. 
  • 14-Day Intimacy Challenge - Give your wife two weeks of intimacy – HER way. Do the challenge in the two weeks leading up to February 14th or the 14 days following.See the end of this post for details on how to get the challenge.
Alright guys! I've given you the reasons. I've given you key tips. I've given you examples. 

Now get out there and PLAN something!

photo credit: dvest /

You can follow the daily links to do the Intimacy Challenge online on this page.   Or you can get a convenient pdf of the challenge for free via email when you sign up for my Pathways monthly intimacy newsletter. (Hurry, though, the February edition is coming out in just a few days with lots more romantic ideas!) Sign up on my blog  or right here:


Anonymous said...

Seriously? "Man up?" Can we please erase that from our collective lexicon? I'm tired of the shaming that phrase implies.

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