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Wednesday, January 30, 2013
5:00 AM | Posted by Scott | Edit Post
Your husband is not nearly as romantically challenged as you think!
I get it. Really, I do.
But it’s time to a take back Valentine’s Day.
Hallmark and FTD commercials notwithstanding, this day is really not about cards and flowers and chocolates (though for many of you that would probably be a step up).
No, this holiday is really about love, romantic love.
A Chance to Rekindle Romance
“But my husband is romantically inept,” I hear you saying.
It is probably true that many, if not most, husbands appear to their wives as somewhat challenged in the romance department. But I believe the problem isn’t romance per se. The problem is in the vast difference between what feels romantic to men as opposed to what feels romantic to women.
Yeah, it’s that ages-old differences thing again.
We men will try to give love and romance in the way we define it, as opposed to the way our wives do. When that doesn’t work (repeatedly, over years) we eventually conclude that we are romantically incapable, and we stop trying. Our wives sometimes contribute to this by either overtly stating it, or by their cool reactions to our ill-advised attempts at romance.
Rather than giving up on your man this Valentine’s Day, try to see it as is your chance to move things forward, romantically speaking, in your marriage.
Turn Around Your Expectations
Man-Up Monday post this week.)
As hard as it is, I’m encouraging to re-focus your expectations from what you might get from your husband this year to what you can give him.
Switch your attention from trying to teach your husband how to romance you to instead trying to learn how to best romance him.
You see, as I said, what feels romantic to you probably will not to him. You want his time and attention, a sense that you and your feelings matter, and to feel cared for. For him, those things probably will not do the trick.
Romance to him probably comes in completely different forms. Here are what I call the three A’s to romancing your husband:
- Admiration (of who he is) – Take a break from focusing on his inadequacies and shortcoming, and focus instead on his best qualities. Tell him WHY you love him. Believe with him in his dreams. Let him know that you see what’s inside of him, but also admire his physical appearance. He wants to know you are attracted to him.
- Appreciation (for what he’s done) – If your husband is like me, he thinks a lot about the balls that are dropping all around in his crazy life. Take a break from nagging him about what more he needs to be doing and instead thank him for what he is doing and has done. Genuine words of thanks do a lot more to spur him on than anything else.
- Affirmation (of his sexual nature) – You knew I’d get here eventually, didn’t you? Your husband wants you to affirm rather than shame or disregard him in this important area of your marriage. Understand that his desire for sex is actually a desire for intimacy with you. Don’t just tolerate his desires, but try to respond in kind. He wants to be wanted by you.
By asking you to focus on his romantic needs, I’m not telling you to settle for a husband who doesn’t know how to romance you the way you like. You should never give up on your desires for that. But I am saying that a man who is admired, appreciated and affirmed is much more likely to send a little romance back in your direction than a man who is starved for those things.
This Valentine’s Day think about how can incorporate the three A’s of husband-romance into it.
Do you have some specific suggestions for my readers on how they might show these things to their husbands? Leave a comment!
photo credit: auremar / 13rf.com
If you need some more ideas on how to romance your husband HIS way, check out my 14-day Intimacy Challenge for Wives. You can follow the daily links to do the Intimacy Challenge online on this page. Or you can get a convenient pdf of the challenge for free via email when you sign up for my Pathways monthly intimacy newsletter. (Hurry, though, the February edition is coming out in just a few days with lots more romantic ideas!) Sign up on my blog or right here:
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